Thursday, September 20, 2012


I hate going to the doctor.

Mainly because they don't realize that I'm dying all the time.  

Most doctors are too jaded to get excited about anything that is wrong with me.  I'm freaking the fuck out, the least they could do is look up from their chart.

That's why I think I need my own personal doctor.  A doctor that has only ever had one patient: me.  That way, when I go to the doctor, they're just as freaked out as I am.

"Hey, Doc, I've got this mole thing going on over here."


With today's doctors, where's the empathy?  Where's the urgency?  WebMD told me this toothache meant my brain tumor was having a heart attack - why won't my doctor realize this?

Plus, if I had my own personal doctor, they would know more about me.  They would know what solutions made sense and which conditions were more important to cure.  I went to the doctor a few weeks ago and told them whenever I drink a glass of wine or a few beers I wake up with a terrible migraine that lasts the entire day.  Obviously this is quite possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

Her response?  'Don't drink beer or wine.'

Christ, doctor.  Are you sure I don't have cancer or something less serious?