I'm Feline Tired

* This is an actual photo of my cat, Baffi, taken at 5am this morning.  Blogging will resume when he has allowed me to sleep more than 3 consecutive hours.  Sub-question - how long do cats normally live?


Help. 

War On Stupid Cliches

Don't be an idiot.

What President Obama said is not a 'war on religion'.  For this to be a 'war on religion' he would be asking for the Church to recognize gay marriage as a sacrament.

Nope.  He just wants them to be able to file a joint tax return.

If people can't tell the difference between a legal marriage and the sacrament of marriage, maybe that speaks of their own religious understanding more than that of the President.  I'm married - and the religious definition means I'm finally allowed to have sex, the legal means she gets half if we get divorced.  So let's not pretend our friends in the gay and lesbian community are getting the better half of this deal.

And if this is about the 'sanctity of marriage' then outlaw divorce.  The only authority straight people have in discussing the 'sanctity of marriage' in the first place is because they are so fucking good at divorce.  Trusting straight people on how to fix marriage is like hiring a bomb squad as your contractor.

If there is a segment people of people out there that think preventing gay marriage is going to stop all the gay sex, I'd like to invite them to every. single. college campus to show them how outlawing drugs has prevented a bunch of annoying hippies from smoking pot and listening to the Dave Matthew's Band all day.  And I think we can agree Dave Matthews is a much bigger threat to society.

What President Obama said shouldn't even be news.  He thinks people in a homosexual relationship should be able to receive the legal benefits of marriage - which is more or less some boring shit about taxes and insurance and medical privileges.  There is no mention of the sacrament.  There is no 13-minute version of Ave Maria.  People aren't going to sit, then stand, then kneel, then stand, then kneel, then sit, then stand, then kneel, then do a tri-pod like a normal mass.  It is just for the legal benefits and recognition.

Maybe instead of just having the separation of Church and State, it is time for them to get a divorce. 

Freaks and Geeks

I feel bad for people with super weird sexual fetishes.



Because we all have our own tastes and preferences.


I'm really into brussell sprouts. Love those damn things. They're like the chicken nuggets of the vegetable world. A lot of people don't like them - but I'm not relegated to the dark corners of the internet because I fry those little bastards up once a week.


Same goes with a lot of things - modern art, foot rubs, roller coasters. We don't really control whether or not we like these things, and for the most part, we don't get called perverts for preferring to wear earth tones over jewel tones.


So why doesn’t this extend into the bedroom? Why are furbies weird, but marathon runners are normal. One gets turned on by the Easter Bunny, the other enjoys the physical hell and bloody nipples that only 26 miles of voluntary running can provide.


Hell - some peoples' weird tastes actually make them COOLER. No one has ever come home from a first date and been like, "Um, yeah...things were going really well until we went back to his place and he tried to get me to listen to Dinosaur Jr. It was disgusting. I didn't even know people DID that."


Imagine being some guy that likes to wear women's underwear listening to someone who likes anchovies complain about how weird their tastes are. “Oh man - I'd hate to be you ordering a pizza - luckily for me I just enjoy the way a frilly pink thong makes me feel like a man. In comparison, I guess the crushing loneliness I feel from living without the intimate touch of another human isn’t so bad.”


Why do we have to hate on that? As long as no one is getting hurt, I can't blame someone for something they can't control.


Besides, it's not like he's into Nickelback, or something.


That would be disgusting.

Can't Beat It

My wife and I are currently filming 'The Sixth Sense 2' in my household.  And, like most sequels, ours includes lots of guys getting hit in the crotch.

And by 'guys', I mean 'me'.

My wife doesn't have that 'sixth sense' that lets you know when someone is near you.  That or she just flails her limbs more than the average person.

So I am in constant danger of a knee to the crotch or an elbow to the face.  She headbutts me on a weekly basis.  HEADBUTTS!  Our household is like a looped episode of America's Funniest Home Videos

She tried to convince me that it is my fault for having a giant nose.  Her explanation was that my giant shnoz occupies such a large percentage of the available real estate in any given room, it is somewhat remarkable she is able to avoid punching me directly in the face as often as she does. 

But I don't appreciate her attempts at sarcasm.

Because domestic abuse is not a joking matter.

Unless it is guys getting hit in the crotch.

That's always funny.

Block'N'Roll

So...hey.

I...I meant to call.  Or text.  Or write.

God, how I meant to write.

Unfortunately, I got a case of Jenny from the Writer's Block and it's crushing the organ that makes my imagination work.  If it makes you feel any better, instead of blogging, I've been staring at this little flashing cursor waiting for my fingers to make some magic.  But, nothing.  I've been unable to finger my blog.

Writer's block is a funny thing.  I've had plenty of ideas for posts - but then nothing happens.  It's like coming up with the first half of a really great analogy, but then...stuff?


What have all of you been doing to fill the void left in your lives as The 'Neck has been on hiatus?  Did you drink too much whiskey and get teary-eyed watching Friday Night Lights?  No.  Er.  Me either, then.

No, I've more or less been doing what I always do - balancing a steady diet of devastating good looks and rock-solid punctuality.

Maybe that is my problem.  Maybe my punctuality has been holding me back.  They say good things come to those that wait.  Maybe I need to just make people wait on me for once - then something good will happen.

Then again, I made you wait four weeks for this blog post.

And this is all you have to show for it.

So maybe I'll go back to being on time - instead of wasting yours.

The 'Neck is back.  And ready to be Read.