One of my nephews turned four this week, and it occurred to me that he is, by far, the coolest person I know.
The kid is amazing. Everything he says is genius. You can't stump him. When you think you are picking on him, he puts your thing down, flips it and reverses it.
I called him using Facetime on my iPad. Here is a sample of our conversation:
Me: Hey buddy, are you having a good birthday?
Nephew, arms raised screaming at the skies: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
Do you see that? Do you see the way he dominated that question? He crushed it. That question should be embarrassed for even being asked because he made it his bitch.
Can you imagine having that kind of passion in everyday life? When a coworker says, "Hot out there, huh?" imagine raising your hands in the air and screaming "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!"
You would instantly be the most popular guy at the office. You'd have to fight off women with a stapler.
But my nephew wasn't done there. My wife (Lady Narm*) tried to screw with him and asked him when he was going to grow a beard like his uncle.
What did he do?
He sprinted across the room, got his face inches away from the screen and yelled "I ALREADY DID!!!!!!" and the sprinted away from the screen and started doing some intense dance/crunking.
Boom, roasted. How do you respond to that? He sprinted towards us to scream a lie in our face and then danced in our defeat. We went from picking on him to needing therapy for the severe ass whooping we just received.
This kid's entire life is like a mix between the speech in Braveheart and a Wiggles concert.
Thoroughly defeated and embarrassed, it was time to end the call. We wished him a happy brithday and told him we had to go. His response?
"HAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRY POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTER!!!!!!!!"
You win again, kid.
* Since the Lady Friend became my wife, I've been trying to find a new name. What are your thoughts on Lady Narm?
8 comments:
I spent time with two girls last night; 9 and 11. Dude, they were awesome. That is a hard age for girls, but their parents have done an awesome job of teaching them to be respectful and polite, but still speak their minds. They dropped some REAL dating knowledge on me ("Just ask him out...I don't get it.) I had such a good night and I was fearing spending time with tweens.
I love kids. They speak crazy truths I wish we all could.
Every time I ask my 8 year old son if he's hot he goes, "Yes. I. Am." and does the finger-on-his-hip-with-accompanying-"psssss"-sound.
Also, if you replace, "YESSSS!" with "WOLVERINES!" you will get even MORE women.
True story.
I dunno. "Lady Narm" sounds like some feminine-targeted sleep-aid product. Maybe that's appropriate, I dunno.
I decided to go with wifebot after I tried it the first time and the wifebot didn't like it.
I plan to take from him and end most of my phone conversations with friends and my wife from now on with
HAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRY POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTER!!
I'll be king of the group!
@Lemmonex - It is amazing how kids can say something that makes so damn much sense that an adult could never imagine. We're obsessed with over-thinking.
@Moooooog35 - WOLVERINES! (wanna date?)
@Gilahi - Funny, this blog is also a feminine-targeted sleep-aid
@ClevelandPoet Instead of "Sent from my iPhone" I'm going to replace it with "HAAAAAARRRRRY POOOOOOOTTER!"
My vote goes to Narmette - Lady Narm sounds like some kind of feminine hygiene product; I'm picturing some variety of pink razor.
What's wrong with the simple but elegant "She Who Must Be Obeyed"?
I like "Lady Narm" it reminds me of something King Henry #8 would say.
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