Aim For The Head

I suck at a lot of things.

Sports, math, forming sentences, walking, not having chiseled abs and a million dollar face -

But perhaps nothing more than having an opinion.

You can pretty much talk me into anything. Or win any fight. Because I simply don't care.

There are much better ways to spend my time than talking at someone who is simply waiting for their turn to talk. This may seem mean-spirited now, but when the eventual zombie apocalypse happens, you'll be glad I've identified all the exits and most useful blunt objects.

So when someone tries to make plans - I analyze if there is A) beer and B) a tv with the game. If so? I'm in.

But my entire world has come crashing down.

Why?

Because I decided to get married.

Now? Now I have to have an opinion about EVERYTHING. Stuff I didn't even know existed is now the most important thing ever.

I thought I just bought the ring and then woke up married one day. Like there was a wedding fairy. When I discovered that couldn't happen I tried to take matter into my own hands and the "wedding fairy" turned into "whiskey" - but even that hasn't saved me.

So come my wedding day, I will know all about the flowers, the invitations, the center pieces, which readings at the mass, what song we are going to dance to, when we cut the cake...

...and where to fortify the doors and what decorations could be turned into a weapon in a zombie war.

I'm not taking any chances.