Moral of the story - I have a deck off of my upstairs bathroom. The door looks like this -
Which is a pretty nice view when conducting "The Business" in the mornings. It is quite peaceful. I can watch the trees sway in the wind and watch as the sun pokes its sleepy head over the horizon.
But then, the birds come.
A little bunch of crows, every morning, comes to roost in the neighbors tree.
And they watch me. I know they do. They watch me and they judge me and they probably go tell their little bird friends.
Sure, they can crap on whoever they want - but as soon as I eat Chipotle I have to explain myself to those beady little black eyes.
I have been thinking about installing a BB gun mount to the window so I can take aim while doing my business. That will teach those son of a bitch peeping Toms to get their kicks somewhere else.
Because I don't take shit when I'm taking a shit.
19 comments:
i love it. My grandma's house had the same thing. Only her deck kicked your deck's ass because she had a random sink out there.
"Because I don't take shit when I'm taking a shit."
HAHAHA Best thing I have heard today.
This is quite possibly your best post to date. Mwhahah!
Fucking birds. Perverts, all of 'em.
My question is the door and deck off the back or front of the house?? I'd be more worried of someone coming through the door by accident when I'm going to the bathroom!
The crows have been known to try to peck through our skylight. Terrifying to say the least.
"Because I don't take shit when I'm taking a shit."
Best quote of the week. Will use it.:D
Just wait till they get little number cards and start acting like a panel of judges...
If you install a BB gun in your bathroom, then you would officially have the most awesome bathroom IN THE WORLD!
Well having an outside door to your bathroom is probably pretty sweet when you're sitting on your deck and you don't want to walk THROUGH the house to do your business.
Crow #1: "Hey..were you just looking in that window?"
Crow #2: "Sadly, yes. I will never be the same."
Crow #1: "Wanna talk about it?"
Crow #2: "Nevermore. Nevermore."
Long way for a shitty payoff. Sorry about that.
YES. You have to install a BB gun mount. You have to dooooo eeeeet! Then you have to take pictures! Well, pictures of the gun mount, not pictures of you shitting. I have a BB gun you can borrow!
maybe they are waiting for you to run into the window like the crows in the windex commercial.
at least we know they do talk, and they probably are judging you.
crows are kinda evil. Ever since "the stand" I think they are the devil.
Dude, you need heat seeking missiles for "bird defense". That would be awesome!
Dude, did you change your blog address or something?
Evidently, the government now hates your blog, cause you are blocked at my work.
You weren't previously.
I'm guessing it's because you cheated on your taxes, or because of your Al-Queda ties.
I would expect an audit, or a visit from Homeland Security in the near future, if I was you.
I think the window on that door needs to be about a foot-and-a-half lower.
If you make it a paintball gun, you can make the snow all purty at the same time! Now that's the Christmas spirit. Killing things... beautifully.
maybe you should throw things at the birds...
i don't like birds, fyi
Perhaps this is TMI, my old bathroom had a skylight. A squirrel would hang out and peer at me on the toilet through the skylight. This happened every other day. For. A. Year.
I wish I was kidding.
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