Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Dating Up - Ashton and Demi

Welcome to the 2nd edition of everyone's favorite game -

Dating Up.

Where I put up two celebrities so you can put them down.

Here's how it works:

I show a celebrity couple in all their pre-angry voicemail / drug rehab / sleeping with a Nazi-hooker bliss - and you tell me which one is more physically attractive, and therefore more important.

The person in the relationship who is less fun to look at is dating up.

This week's lucky couple? Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.

First up - Demi.

She's hot. Ok, let's just get that out there. I'm not denying that she wango's my tango. But know what isn't hot? ROBOTS! And you cannot convince me that her 48 year-old ass isn't made out of 99% synthentic materials. I'm more worried about what her emissions are doing to the o-zone level.

On to her little beaux, Ashton Kutcher.

I get it. He's goofy and giggles while he talks and always has cool hair. Like the love-child of Jimmy Fallon and Orlando Bloom. And I guess if I were a chick he could be fun to look at. But he is also running full speed ahead into "Matthew McConaughey" territory, which means we should all be looking to destroy him as quickly as possible. If only we had a 48 year-old robot with 99% sythentic butt cheeks!

And there you have it - which one of these people (term used loosley when describing Demi) is calling every 20 minutes just to "check-in" because they didn't like the way that your friend was looking at you even though you've known them forever and there is nothing going on there?


zwinggi said...

ashton is dating up, which is hard to say when he's married to a 48 mother of bruce willis' kids... but that is exactly how much ashton sucks.

Denise said...


Matt said...


Anonymous said...


Narm said...

Wow - I severly overestimated the amount of love for Ashton Kutcher out there.

Allison M. said...

ashton is fucking hot.

let's just get that out there.

Gilahi said...

The "o-zone"? Yeah, Demi has inspired me to the o-zone on more than one occasion.

Nels said...

I didn't get past Demi, so I can only assume whoever's picture is posted below isn't half as stimulating.

Fizzgig said...

this one is totally an unfair match...their both hot! but demi is clearly the winner here....she gives chicks a good name!

Jez said...

Kutcher-Iowa Boy-Hawkeye fan is the one dating up.

Lacey said...

demi is dating up. yeah, she's a hot old piece of ass (well, i guess her ass isn't old, being fake and all) but there are a lot of those running around hollywood. ashton is one of the few youngish actors i would let bang me in the back of a ranchero AND allow to talk while doing so. most hollywood studlets are either funny or hot but not both. i'd like to hear the running commentary on a sexual experience he'd have with me. you would too.