Wednesday, September 14, 2011

No Pants Dance

I'm somewhat confused by this new phenomenon of girls wearing shirts as dresses.

On one hand - I like chicks' legs and butts, so this is a big win.  When I go to KFC I just order 'legs and butts' and when they ask 'Original or Crispy?" I say - 'OOOOOOH YEAH!'

But, on the other hand, I'm stuck shackled in these pants while girls are Porky Piggin' it around town.

Snooki without makeup / bumpit
Why can't guys have some comfort thrown into their wardrobe?  A girl can wrap herself in one piece of cloth that barely hits her thighs, while I'm battling swamp ass in my long pants, dress socks, long-sleeve button down, tie and Spanx (for men).  I'm really self conscious about my figure.

That is why I propose a new product for men - formal overalls.

Think about it.

If girls don't wear pants, why do I have to wear a shirt?  If the only thing we have to cover is our sex bumps, my man nipples should be as free as your Barbie crotch.

Besides, I think it would look better on me than these jeggings.


Moooooog35 said...

FYI: The overalls don't necessarily have to be 'formal' as long as you're wearing a sleeveless mesh shirt underneath.

There's always loopholes in the dress code, my friend.

Always loopholes.

ClevelandPoet said...

In the play I'm working on there was a scene that really didn't make the cut where they discuss porkypigging it!

also when I really want to bother my wife I walk around the apartment in just a tee shirt.

msx said...

I think the overalls would be an impediment in the long term outlook. What if you have the runs or have to take a piss badly? It will be tedious taking the overalls off. Hmm unless you had a zipper and butt flap.

heidikins said...


I die laughing.


Brutalism said...

You had me at "swamp ass"

Kev D. said...

I think I should be allowed to work in a bathrobe, so I can get a good breeze in all the right places.

Allison M. said...

this isn't new, my friend. another fun phenomenon - girls who wear leggings as pants.

They aren't pants!

Jez said...

He had no shoes and no pants. they dressed him in a shirt with a collar and called him porky pig. the two of you went up to his room. later on you wouldn't admit you did.

Narm said...

@Moooooog - that better be a turquoise mesh half-shirt

@ClevelandPoet - Porky Piggin' it might be my favorite phrase of 2011

@MSX - All my pants have butt flaps. It's the only way to live.

@Heidikins - Thanks!

@Brutalism - I really need to tone down the sex appeal

@Kev D - Just turn that bathrobe around and use it as a snuggy. Helps hide the boners.

@Allison M - The leggings thing needs to end

@Jez - I was wondering if anyone would pick up on where that line came from