I suck at math.
And I don't just mean my brain. My entire body sucks at math.
For instance - humans are supposed to sleep eight hours a night. That leaves 16 hours of being awake - so one hour of sleep generates two hours of being awake. Correct?
But last night, I took a 45 minute nap, and then laid awake in bed for three hours later that night. How does that makes sense? I signed up for one and a half hours of awakedness, body - this is simple multiplication.
The night before? I drank two beers and got a hangover. TWO BEERS. But on the Friday night before that? Eight beers and had zero hangovers.
What gives, body? What kind of crazy math are you using? I'm the only person with an abacus as an internal organ.
It also appears that my body is punishing me for any sort of moderation.
45 minute nap? Fuck you - I nap for four hours or I don't nap at all. Two beers? It takes me two beers to brush my teeth - you drink a case or you stay at home, Nancy Boy.
It's like my body wants me to just drink a bunch of beer and stay out late every night.
Wait, what was I complaining about, again?