Thursday, August 18, 2011

Birds of a Feather

You know who are a bunch of annoying assholes?


Seriously. Shut up. You're annoying and I don't like you.

I get the idea of birds. They're pretty and they make cool noises and they poop out seeds that make plants grow all over the place.

And that's all great in the singular case. But when you take one awesome thing and multiply it by a billion, it makes me want to ram a fork in my head and twist my brains around it like so much spaghetti.

I woke up at 5am this morning and there were approximately Too,ooo,ooo,many birds making noise. It was 5am. What the hell are you guys talking about? If you put me in a room with a thousand other people I'd run out of shit to talk about in about 15 minutes - right after we covered the weather and how much I hate Nickelback.

But no, birds are like 19yr old college guys - they just love the sound of their own voice. They were making noise just to make noise. They were so loud I actually learned how to speak bird and translated what they were saying:


How can something that is so cool by itself turn into something so annoying when put into large groups?

You'd think they were people, or something.


Allison M. said...

maybe that bird flew over by window today because that damn thing was chirping all morning long today.

Clevelander at heart said...

When these birds start chirping, that's when you get your shot gun out, shoot a few for the pretty little lady to cook for breakfast. A few days later...problem solved and you save on groceries. Two birds, one stone as they say.

Fizzgig said...

since I am buddhist, I believe in reincarnation.

I actually have a list of people who will come back as specifically annoying creatures.

Birds, flies, gnats, spiders, mice, and fungai.

I guess be careful the person you are in this life, you may come back as one of those horrid giant black crows that eat dead squirrels, and make wretched noises at 4 am!!


I'm going to have to agree. It;s all about moderation.

Bob Ignizio said...

Back when I used to go to bed at around 5 or 6 am, birds were the bane of my existence. That and sunlight.

Toe said...

Yeah, birds are assholes especially when they build their nest right in the tree next to your bedroom window. But then your cat eats them all and you wonder who the bigger asshole is, your cat or the bird. And really skunks out rank birds on the asshole list every time.