I outlined last week how I love sports.
The individual talents and greatness of the NBA.
The teamwork and chemistry in the NFL.
The beauty and grace of soccer.
The carnage and brutality of mixed martial arts.
Now I found a sport that has them all:
COMBINE DEMOLITION DERBY!
That's right, a demolition derby, with COMBINES.
Do you city kids even know what a combine looks like? It's like a big metal house on wheels. But then fill that house with diesel fuel and anger.
There is no moment in my life that compares to that moment right before the combines ran into each other. It was like an orgasm at Disneyland while eating bacon.
It was like riding a slip'n'slide made out of rainbows naked into a pool of kittens.
It was like eating a pizza covered in boobs after just getting a really good haircut.
It was like redneck heaven.
And the best part about Combine Demolition Derbies? There is no need for a scoreboard. You can easily tell the winner of every match.
Everyone is the winner.