Sunday, August 14, 2011

Footballs of Fire

What do non-sports fans do with their lives?

I mean, we watch 162 Cleveland Indians games, 82 Cleveland Cavaliers games and between our two football teams (Cleveland Browns and Miami Dolphins) another 32 football games.

That is 276 games a year. Or 828 hours. Or 34.5 DAYS of pure sports viewing.

Luckily, with our teams, you don't have to worry about adding any playoff games.

But that is a lot of time wasted on guys wearing tight pants, short shorts and tank tops.

So...what do the rest of you do with your time?

I kind of assume there is a secret club that means during big games. Like the Super Bowl isn't just for sports fans, but also for a collection of the World's brightest and best to gather around and talk about all the classic novels they've been reading and the new exercise routine that makes them look like a Victoria's Secret model.

Well, I don't have time for Victoria's Secret models, damnit, I'm a sports fan.

But before I get to jealous of these secret meetings, I realize how awkward they must be. Without sports, all of the small talk must revolve around the weather and how glad everyone is that it is Friday.

So, how about them Indians?


Bob Ignizio said...

I've lived in NE Ohio my entire life. Not being a sports fan saves me a great deal of pain and sadness. I spend the time I might otherwise be watching sports watching movies, reading books (ok, mostly comic books, but occasionally I read something that doesn't have pictures), listening to music, playing guitar, writing songs, writing movie reviews, and cooking. And then there's the considerable block of time devoted to surfing the internet for porn, but I assume sports fans do that as well.

Fizzgig said...

we watch reality tv. the only difference is we don't have jerseys.

I think someone should invent real housewives jerseys, and you can buy your favorite crazy bitches jersey and sport it on housewives nights, and fight with your friends over who is the craziest one.

omg, im going to be rich with this one!

Allison M. said...

I want to tailgate with you and the lady friend this fall. I feel like we'd have fun.

ClevelandPoet said...

my wife recently posted on facebook that she "loves me but when I watch sports it makes her want to punch me in the nads"

I thought that was extreme and so I immediately made fun of true blood and pretty little liars.

after reading this I realized that I have to add many many many more hours to it because of hockey and soccer.

good thing I do a lot of my writing during these games (cept soccer) or I'd never get anything done.

also the fact that we both cheer for the dolphins and browns should be an indication of some sort of mental illness or at least an enjoyment of suffering.

Narm said...

@Bob - I am incredibly jealous. I really wish I could peel myself off the couch and do something creative - but I just get sucked right into checking scores when I get up.

@Fizzgig - Thanks for the idea - I'll send you a check.

@Allison - I was thinking of doing some driveway-tailgates this year.

@ClevelandPoet - Another Browns/Phins fan? I didn't think there was another soul that could handle this much crushing.

Geoff Granfield said...

Will it count that I watch sports only to see those women "sporting" those skinny australia leggings and tights or whatever that is called?