Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Cool Christmas

If we're being honest with ourselves, let's admit that we all put way too much effort into being cool.

And that those pants make you look fat.

But mostly the cool thing.

The music we listen to, clothes we wear, bars we frequent to black out and wake up singing karaoke to the Cranberries - all of these things are part of our effort to be 'cool'.

And then Christmas comes along and suddenly we've got a pair of pleated slacks pulled up to our belly-button and some bright white New Balances on.

What am I talking about?

Christmas music.

It sucks.  Christmas music is just shitty music that someone recycled with the addition of the word 'Christmas'.

Adding 'Christmas' to a song is like giving it a boob job - it still sucks but now there's something to look at.

Name one good Christmas song.  A song you would listen to if it weren't Christmas.  '12 Days of Christmas'?  That's like listening to a CD of someone singing '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall'

That's why no matter how much Christmas Spirit you try to run off on me or how much egg nog you force down my throat, you'll never see me singing along to Christmas music.

Unless the Cranberries put out a Christmas album.

9 comments:

Kyna said...

God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman by The Barenaked Ladies, feat. Sarah McLachlan.

I could sing along to that one in July without batting an eyelash.

'Cause I'm cool that way.

Scott Hedrick said...

"Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses. Nate has played it at least 100 times this week in the van. No sign of stopping or even slowing down. In fact, he found a version of The Donnas covering it and it started all over.

Bob Ignizio said...

'F--- Christmas' by Fear and 'Christmas With the Devil' sound good to me no matter what time of year it is, but neither works to well at family gatherings (unless you're trying to get the family to pack up and leave). Also Weird Al's 'Christmas as Ground Zero'.

In general, though, Christmas songs are pretty awful. And the other day I had to hear Christina Aguilera's tortured vocal gymnastics on "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas", which just made me want to punch someone.

Steve Bailey said...

Mele Kalikimaka..... the song from Christmas Vacation is awesome!

Allison M. said...

Back it the hell up.

You know I would listen to Mariah Carey even if it WASN'T the holiday.

Oh, and Stevie Wonder's version of "what christmas means to me."

Amy G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy G said...

Clearly you've forgotten all about "Christmas in Hollis"

ClevelandPoet said...

True unless the songs Santa's got a mullet, or I got a boner for Christmas (Nerf Herder) or She's a Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas (Patent Pending)

Biggie said...

Christmastime in the LBC from the old KROQ Christmas album in the 90s. And I'd listen to Donny Hathaway's "This Christmas" any time of year.