Friday, December 2, 2011
Life is all about small victories.
You set yourself up to get a few wins per day, and it helps keep the voices out of your head.
So you make it to work in record time.
Or you treat yourself to a cream cheese bagel in the morning.
Maybe some girl at a bar checks you out, and even though you're married and she looks like how hemorrhoids feel - it still is a nice little ego boost.
So while you are patting yourself on the back, I'm here to tell you all that stuff sucks.
Don't get me wrong, I understand that we all need a pat on the back, even if it is of the masturbatory type. If life were just an assembly line of suck we'd all go insane and start wearing pleated pants and watching Two and Half Men.
But think about life before your 401k. Think of the stories, of the victories you've compiled. Did you drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels and then beat Pac Man? Did you and a group of friends turn your apartment into a functioning obstacle course modeled after Nickelodeon Guts? Did you meet Melissa Joan Hart at a mall, get her number, and then text her the entire lyrics to 'What's The Frequency Kenneth?'
Because the best story I have lately is this cream cheese bagel.
Even in my wins, I'm still a loser.