Friday, December 2, 2011


Life is all about small victories.

You set yourself up to get a few wins per day, and it helps keep the voices out of your head.

So you make it to work in record time.

Or you treat yourself to a cream cheese bagel in the morning.

Maybe some girl at a bar checks you out, and even though you're married and she looks like how hemorrhoids feel - it still is a nice little ego boost.

So while you are patting yourself on the back, I'm here to tell you all that stuff sucks.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that we all need a pat on the back, even if it is of the masturbatory type.  If life were just an assembly line of suck we'd all go insane and start wearing pleated pants and watching Two and Half Men.  

But think about life before your 401k.  Think of the stories, of the victories you've compiled.  Did you drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels and then beat Pac Man?  Did you and a group of friends turn your apartment into a functioning obstacle course modeled after Nickelodeon Guts?  Did you meet Melissa Joan Hart at a mall, get her number, and then text her the entire lyrics to 'What's The Frequency Kenneth?'

Because the best story I have lately is this cream cheese bagel.

Even in my wins, I'm still a loser.


Anonymous said...

There, there. Tsk, tsk. What you need is some smoked salmon and red onion on that bagel. Not sure if that's a victory but it's a pleasant sensory experience. Maybe you're looking for something less transitory than sensory experience? In that case there's always beer. Large Louie

Idea #527 said...

Please tell me the Melissa Joan Hart story is real!

Fizzgig said...

theres something to be said about a cream cheese bagel though...

Travis said...

Treat yourself to something bigger! I did just that recently, I went on a military tourism trip in israel. I learned how to shoot a bunch of different guns, got to throw some grenades, learned krav maga, went offroading and even skydiving all with one group! It was so exciting, and all instructed by ex israeli special forces officers. If your life is in a rut, and feels like nothing special is happening, make something special happen! this is the company i went with lionops