Ways to tell someone is from the country – the phrase “in town”. Back home it is a completely sufficient answer to say something is “in town”. Armed with only that as a direction I can find almost anything. In Cleveland you can say something is “downtown” and I won’t be able to find it for three days. Unless you say “there are a lot of homeless people downtown” – then I will find them in a matter of minutes.
You should only take a girl on a date to a hockey game if you can refrain from cheering during fights. I should not take a girl on a date to a hockey game.
Why don’t movies have sweet car chases anymore? I think every movie should contain some crazy Blues Brothers / Dukes of Hazard car chase scene at some point. Don’t act like The Notebook couldn’t use a few demolished cop cars and the General Lee flying over some wrecked bridge. I’ll get you Bo and Luke Duke!
Is there anything funnier than when someone tries to push open a door from the hinge side – or pulls a push door? I can’t help but giggle every time. Its like laughing at someone for tripping only you don’t feel like an asshole.
Two rules for airports – When the plane lands and the seatbelt lights goes off – you have another 15 minutes before you get off the plane. Unless there is some sort of gold ribbon award that I don’t know about for being the first passenger to stand up and wait in line – all it does it make you look like an idiot. No amount of frustrated sighs or impatient glances at your watch will change the fact that every plane of all time has taken 15 minutes to unload the passengers. Except maybe John Denver’s…too soon?
When you finally DO get off the plane – don’t stand directly in the doorway to hug your family. I get it – you are excited to see them, I’m happy for you, really, Nana looks great, but get the fuck out of my way or I will shove this goddamn bag of peanuts so far up your ass George Washington Carver will roll in his grave.