Monday, December 17, 2007

Random Notes - 12 / 18

Nothing proves you are lazy like taking the easy route even on your hobbies. Instead of putting time and effort into this blog, which I very much enjoy, I have resorted to random thoughts and Top 5 lists. It's like an alcoholic being hooked on Zima. Yeah, Dude, you are still wasted, but show some pride!

Remember when goatees used to be cool? Shut up, Reader, goatees were cool at one time and you know it. Now goatees are reserved for guys who wear sports jerseys and still quote American Pie. What happened to the days when it was cool to have facial hair, but only RIGHT HERE.

Couldn't Mr. Telephone and Mr. Calculator have called each other and set the numbers up the same way? Why is one set up with ascending numbers and the other with descending numbers? I can't tell you how many times I am working on my calculator and turn to the phone to dial and dial the numbers backwards. At first I was embarrassed, but now I refuse to apologize for doing something that makes sense. I shouldn't have to dumb myself down to someone else's invention (I'm looking at you Mr. VCR Clock).

When I moved to Cleveland everyone kept warning me about the snow. I have lived in Northwest Ohio my entire life, and though we get snow, we don't get nearly as much as CleveLand-Before-Time. That being said, it took me about two days to adjust to the driving conditions (granted my truck makes Mother Nature my bitch). So why do the native Clevelandonians act like a natural disaster at the first sight of bad weather? I swear if a single flake drops from the sky, every driver on 480 slams on their brakes and immediately has a seizure. It is snow people - not oncoming traffic - slamming on your brakes is actually the LEAST safe thing you can do. "Hmmm, its slick outside? I think I better slam on the brakes and give the person behind me .5 seconds to react and try to stop on a sheet of ice. That is much safer than maintaining an acceptable speed!" (Editor's Note: I have never actually heard someone say that.)

Giving kids clothes on Christmas is like giving a homeless guy a coat. Yeah, he probably needs it, but it is in no way helping him buy drugs.

Song to chew on-

The Hold Steady - Stuck Between Stations


Allison M. said...

My parents live 30 west of Cleveland and don't believe how much snow we get. They think I'm lying. Last Easter, we had a whole freaking foot of snow and my mom really thought I was trying to get out of coming for Easter. I had to take a couple pics from my phone to prove it to her.

BloggingJason said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BloggingJason said...

I'm gonna pull a Jack Corrigan Touch 'em all Time and dominate the paint inside you Comment section....

1) I'd rather have fleeting glimpses of your warped view of the world than nothing. Or worse yet, getting a long, uninterrupted look inside, and realizing it's like the Ludovico Technique from A Clockwork Orange.
2)I'd rock a goatee. But that's not saying much.
3)Mr. Telephone and Mr. Calculator have a cousin-Mr.Change Machine. It's like the goddamn McPoyle Family
4)Give Clevelanders a bit of a break-breathing industrial fumes for 70 years has left all but the most hardy mildly retarded. Sloth couldn't drive in the snow either.
5)I've got nothing to add to this one, because it's fucking brilliant.
Maybe one day when the zombies are out eating brains, we could have a hot, steamy BlogSwap. I'll take pictures...