Thursday, July 22, 2010

Cleve Me Alone

In the post-LeBracolyptic world here in Cleveland, the national media has been taking turns throwing Nelson-esque "Ha-ha!"'s at us at every opportunity.

But one article stood out as the cream of the crap.

(Quick note - I fully understand ESPN's narrative on this. They have made a fairly obvious shift away from sports coverage to player coverage. You don't get updates on your TEAM anymore - just the player du jour (Favre, LeBron, Tiger, Vick.) These articles are meant to do exactly what I am doing - incite enough of a reaction that they get passed along and therefore, more hits. I am falling into TMZ-SPN's little trap. But it hurts so good.)

In this article, J.A. Adande belittles Cleveland before giving a loaded-question disguised as a chance to defend the city -

"If LeBron leaves, Cleveland will still have ______."

Is this where we are as a nation? That our worth is based on one tangible object? Because if so, Hershey, Pennsylvania wins. Try to argue me. If your entire city's worth is based on one thing that people identify with that city, who beats chocolate? Unless there is a town named Bacon, West Virginia, then Hershey, PA should be our nation's capital.

I am getting married this fall, I own a house and I grow a mean beard - at no point in my day do I think, "Yeah, all that stuff is great, but without LeBron my life would be an empty black hole made bearable only by the fact that I once saw a guy in a tank-top play basketball."

Yes, LeBron leaving hurt this city. He brought a lot of money downtown that wasn't there before. But ESPN and the national media seems to think that if our basketball team sucks, we will cease to exist - sportanious combustion of an entire city (no jokes about the river burning).

Hey, ESPN, this is CLEVELAND, our sports teams sucked way before you got here, and will suck for a long time after you are gone.

This goes for every city. I grew up in a tiny speck on the map in Nowhere, Ohio. We never had a LeBron. Or a mall, a movie theater or laws against dating your cousin. Yet, people still live there (mostly because family reunions are off the hook.)

So what does Cleveland have now that LeBron left? Peace and quiet from everyone sticking their nose in our business; telling us how we are supposed to act.

And vacation plans for Bacon, West Virginia.


Page Seven said...

I actually love Adande, he's one of my favorite sports writers, but I agree with you here. I think he had good intentions with asking that, but it came across as belittling, and if I lived in Cleveland I'd feel the same way as you.

Narm said...

I used to enjoy Adanda but he has REALLY picked up the ESPN narrative anymore. ESPN is the FOX News (or MSNBC depending on your views) of sports coverage. It is so biased anymore it is hard to watch.

Moooooog35 said...

My vote would go to Beef Teriyaki, Wisconsin.

Andrea said...

Hershey smells like chocolate AND has street lights shaped like kisses. Clearly capital material.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

slow clap.

ClevelandPoet said...

hooray Lynchburg, Tenn until I start Whiskey, ohio.

butnoteveryday said...

i'm really mad you put that link on your site. i really wanted to through my monitor off my desk, but then i couldn't leave this comment.

i love Cleveland. Happy Birthday.

Allison M. said...

you had me at "laws against dating your cousin."

Fizzgig said...

you can never beat a town made entirely of chocolate. The rest of the world should stop trying.

I hear you can eat the street lights.

Maybe that was a dream...