Sunday, November 14, 2010

Bear With Me

Let's clear something up.

Because that is what I am trying to do here at The 'Neck. I'm not trying to make you laugh or cry or send me money. I'm trying to change the world.

And, just like pedophilia, it all starts with gummi bears.

Namely, the pineapple gummi bear.

You know which one I mean; not red, orange, green or yellow.

The other color.

Or non-color.

Depending on how you look at it.

You racist.

You see I took a very scientific poll the other day and received an even split of people saying it was the "white" gummi bear or the "clear" gummi bear.

Obviously, I went to the internet for the answer - only to discover that the Haribo website lists it as white, while the Wikipedia page lists it as clear.

I was very firmly on Team Clear to begin the argument - but then as it went on I began thinking - clear isn't really a color. Or a flavor. How could something be flavored as clear? Wouldn't that confuse kids everywhere? Wouldn't they start asking for some "clear" instead of water. Or eating air? I don't want to live in a world where kids everywhere are eating air. They'll ruin their appetite for dinner!

But that doesn't mean that "clear" isn't necessarily correct. The actual, physical bear has no white coloring in it whatsoever. And they are pineapple flavored - and pineapples are not white. The only way you could say a pineapple was white is if it liked to watch "Two and a Half Men" and was a bad dancer. So white is also incorrect.

Then again, pineapples aren't clear either. And if they are, it would explain why I thought all these kids were eating air.

But don't they know they are going to ruin their appetite?

Let's settle this debate once and for all -

Are the pineapple gummi bears white, or clear?

You decide.

Racist.

16 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

They're clearly white.

Shit.

Matt said...

Clear.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

CLEAR.

and yes clear is a color, it's CLEAR, i.e. see through

:)

lacochran's evil twin said...

"I'm not trying to make you laugh or cry or send me money."

Please forward any money that's not in keeping with the intent of this blog. (I look out for your integrity.)

Clear.

Suzanne said...

clear!

butnoteveryday said...

my vote. CLEAR.

on the interwebz clear is a color. it is 0% of any color. so techinacally if you vote Clear, you're just voting for 0% of your chosen color, even white.

win/win.

boom.done.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Clear.

Kaydee said...

opaque =) you're welcome

Allison M. said...

crap.


clear.

.. said...

Clear.
It's not a crayon color so that might be wrong.

alexis said...

White!

Hippest Snippets said...

This was so hip, we couldn't resist a snip: http://bit.ly/9ABSQ8

Jez said...

1) Can't you just call the color "pineapple". I mean, fuck, it's not as obvious as orange, but if "tangerine" can have a crayon color, then "pineapple" can have a damn Gummi Bear color.

2) Haribo > Wikipedia because Haribo made or "possesses" the creation of the Pineapple, so since 90% of the law is possession, Haribo gets to choose.

3) If you got kids swallowing air, you got bigger issues than kids who won't eat. You got kids dropping popcorn farts.

Pgh_Knight said...

Darn... I first read "Beer" instead of "Bear", then was disapointed when there was no discussion of beer.

3 guesses where my mind is?

Deidre the Droid said...

LOL, They are clear. They are clearly clear. I asked my neice via webcam and she said clear. I'm going with the four year old. :)

Anne said...

This turned my life around. The "clear bear" has always been my favorite but I never knew its flavor was pineapple.

I hate pineapples.

But I call them white.