Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Stand In The Place Where You Are

I'm taking a stand.

Against stands.

This is not like the time I took a stand against standing. That was more of a lifestyle preference than a political statement.

I'm sick and tired of people taking stands against everything. It makes it impossible for me to make jokes without offending someone.

I told a knock-knock joke the other day and someone told me they didn't support using assault, both physical and emotional, against defenseless doors as a comedic setting.

And since when did having an extremely strong stance on something mean you DIDN'T have to discuss it? Having strong beliefs is suddenly like conversational leprosy. As long as you pledge your allegiance and call the other person names that may or may not make sense, there is no need to back up your opinion.

Maybe I should take a stand against the weather so I don't have to talk about it with every stranger in the elevator -

"How dare you bring up the sun in front of me. Don't you know my father was killed by a sun? Go get a job you bible-thumping communist."

Or maybe I'll take a stand against feelings so I don't have to listen to people complain anymore.

Stranger: "I'm having a really rough time. I lost my job, my wife left me and I left my lunch on my kitchen counter."

Me: "CAN'T YOU SEE I AM AGAINST FEELINGS? I find it insulting that you would even consider feelings. That is unAmerican. You must be some sort of feelings terrorist. I feel like you just bombed my heart. I was just hit by emotional shrapnel. You know who else had feelings? Hitler. Hey look everyone! It's Hitler!"

So from now on, when someone takes a stand - I'm going to out stand them. I'm going to take their stand, and raise them a conversation.

As long as that conversation starts, "Knock-knock."

6 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

I'm taking a stand against you taking a stand.

Joanna M said...

Step away from the coffee Jeff!!!!

Fizzgig said...

im taking a stand against taking a stand too. its annoying.

i dislike intolerance. I cant tolerate it.

Toe said...

Can one take a sit? I'd rather sit than stand anyway. I take a sit against your stand on stands. Standing is exhausting.

ISRAEL CARRASCO said...

PC has gone too far!

Decker Family said...

Thanks for the best laugh I have had all day :)