Bars are a strange place. It is a place full of people who really don't like each other. Guys don't like the other guys there, girls don't like the other girls there and everyone is jealous of my beard.
Yet, a bar is completely reliant on the group. The entire point of being at the bar is to be around people. Otherwise, people wouldn't think it was weird that I drank alone.
So while everyone at the bar hates everyone else at the bar, there has to be some teamwork.
Which brings us to the juke box. The juke box is an extremely important part of the bar scene. Without a jukebox, girls would have no reason to woo, and what is a bar without woo?
So here are some basic ground rules to running the juke box.
1 - Play a song right away. If there is currently no music playing - play anything. It doesn't matter. People just want noise. Everyone likes AC/DC... EVERYONE. Just throw on 'Hell's Bells' and move on. You can argue with your friends about which Sublime track is the best on your own time.
2 - No sad songs. Don't be stupid - this is bar and people are trying to have fun. I like a lot of sad songs - but I don't need to hear "Mad World" at the bar. The only exception is sing-along songs. "Piano Man" is allowed. But it also brings us to our next point...
3 - Don't jump the gun. I get it, I'm at a bar and I am going to hear Journey. It is part of the whole spectacle. But I WILL stop believin' if you play that song at 8pm. There is a time and a place and a blood-alcohol-level for the classics, and an emtpy bar at 8pm is not that time, place or drink order.
4 - Play to the crowd. I'm an elitist prick when it comes to music. I only like indie bands and shit that isn't on the radio - but that doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way. You can sneak in a few unknown tracks, but never more than two before throwing in something that will elicit a "woooo!". If you want to listen to some indie band and drink beer, do it at home like a normal loser.
5 - Have some variety. Everyone has a favorite band - but that is no excuse to play five of their songs in a row at the bar. This also goes for all genre's that fall outside of the "classic rock" catalogue. Sure, you can slip in a Hank Williams song and get by with it - but three in a row and the bartender is skipping that shit and running your tab all night. And you deserve it.
6 - Know your surroundings. If you are at a dive bar, stay away from Britney Spears. If you are at a club, you can probably avoid the Grateful Dead. If you are at my house and I hear one chord of a Nickelback song I'll call your mother and tell her what a disappointment you turned out to be. Which brings us to our last rule...
7 - Never play Nickelback. You wouldn't want to make your mother cry.