Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Got It Licked

I have a cold.

Which means that you should stop what you are doing and feel bad for me.

But being sick does have one huge advantage - you get to rewrite the rules on ownership.

I'm talking even bigger than "Finders Keepers".

If I see something I like? I just lick it. Bam. Owned. No one wants that shit when it has Mad Cow germs on it.

Have a banana on your desk? Licked.

New pen? Licked.

See a little kid holding an ice cream cone? Lick him. Now you have kids AND ice cream.

It's the law. If someone tries to call the cops, just lick their phone. Problem solved.

And if anyone questions what you are doing - just tell them you are sick.

I don't think they'll argue.


heidikins said...



Lacey said...

i do this in regular life but i'd never considered how much more effective it would be in sick life when i'm coughing and snotting all over everything...

Moooooog35 said...

*also works with genital warts

ClevelandPoet said...

In high school I wrote a skit that was essentially this (tho without being sick.) that ended with the dad saying "son you can't lick your problems away."

and the son says "or can I"

but the school wouldn't let them perform it.

I should have licked the principle.

Idea #527 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Idea #527 said...

I need to re-read before I hit submit!

My aunt used to lick the other side of the cookies she wanted at family get togethers so she could guarantee her being able to get one. Pretty soon my cousin started licking the other side so a standoff soon developed. . . :)