I like America.
Really. I do.
But I don't know that I'm all Sarah Palin about it.
I mean if I were to play Bone, Marry, Kill with three countries - say, Canada, the US and France - I'd probably end up marrying Canada.
But I like America.
What I don't know that I like is this whole election thing. It is great in theory - until you realize that you are putting our nation's future in the hands of the same people that make Nickelback one of the most successful bands in music.
These are the same people that voted Allen Iverson into the NBA All-Star game after he played 19 games one year.
These are the same people that watch Two and a Half Men. And laugh.
So excuse me if I'm not all drunk on the Stars and Bars.
I think it is time to revamp the system. Know what America loves?
Lets make the world's greatest reality show - a mixture of Jeopardy, the Bachelor and Survivor. I want my President to be Ken Jennings with a chiseled jawline and the ability to eat bugs.
Instead of primaries and debates, I want to see my candidates fight over Immunity from the Final Jeopardy Solo Date.
At least that way, we would have some confidence that our elected officials are qualified.
I mean, if Trump and Palin are going to run anyways, at least they would have to eat bugs.
(Editor's Note: I'm a Redneck, of course I love America - the Canada thing was all a joke. I mean, Nickelback is from Canada, and they're the herpes of International Intercourse.)