Thursday, February 9, 2012

Flushing Money Away

You are looking at by far the most luxurious item in my house.

Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of nice things, but nothing compares to that.

That, dear Readers, is a $120 toilet flusher thing. 

But I didn't pay $120.  Because that would be crazy.

No, I found it on the clearance rack at Home Depot.

I looked at the guy stocking it and said, "Wait, that ONE toilet-flusher thing is $120?"

To which he responded, "Yeah, but it's on clearance so it is only $60."

Oh, well that makes sense - because $60 for a $5 toilet flusher thing is a STEAL. 

"So why is it on clearance?" I asked.

"Oh, it was part of a set that was sold."

Part of a set?  A set of what?  The toilet has one button - and this is it. Did it come with curtains?  Is there a reverse button?  What the hell was so special about this toilet flusher thing?

I had to own it.

"I'm not paying $60 to flush my toilet.  You'd be an idiot to spend more than $5 on this."

"Alright, I'll do half of that - $30 and it's yours."

What we have now, my friends, is a negotiation.

For $30 I could go buy six toilet flusher thingies and have a party.  They could be like a stocking stuffer.  I could give one to my friends and we could form a secret society of toilet flushers.  Like blood-brothers, but grosser.

"$30 is $25 more than any rational person would pay for a toilet flusher thing."

"Ok, fine - $20."

"$20?  How the hell do you plan on selling this thing?  It was part of a set!"

"Just give me $10 and get that thing out of here, I'm never going to sell it anyways."

And that's how I got a $120 toilet flusher thing.

Now if I could only find the matching set. 


Moooooog35 said...

I have never wanted to take a shit in your house more.

Spacefunmars said...

This may be the best thing I've ever read.

little said...

don't you know a fancy flusher thing is the easiest way to attract the ladies?

love, little.

lacochran's evil twin said...

You mean your flusher thingy doesn't match your faucet thingy? I weep for you.

Anonymous said...

I've never seen a toilet handle as part of a set. What could it match other than a faucet or diverter? Unfortunately you now have to upgrade the entire bathroom as I'm sure it pales by comparison. Large Louie

Anonymous said...

If I could make it as a high paying lawyer, I could maybe, just maybe afford something like that... sigh...