There are so, so many things I don’t understand about girls – now many of these things I am smart enough to not ask about - and most of the others I don’t want to know. That being said, there is one area I would like clarification on: Picture taking.
I lead a boring life…a REALLY boring life…I mean last week I watched almost an entire episode of Malcolm in the Middle – anyways, this lack of meaningful stimulation forces me to spend an awkward amount of time on social networks viewing people’s page, and subsequently, their pictures.
Now, as a guy I understand how guy’s pictures work. Either the guy is wasted, or striking a pose he hopes will help him get laid in the future. (I understand this is slightly redundant in that if a guy is wasted – EVERYTHING he does is in the hope that he will get laid.) My point is that there is no confusion – no head-scratchers – nothing that makes you sit back and think, “At what point in my life would I stop and say – I not only want to do this – but I want picture evidence of it later.” Which brings us to girls…
Notice in this picture - the guy is obviously drunk and happy to be in a picture with 5 good looking girls. Fair enough - he is holding his arms up and smoking a cigarette - again trying to look cool / funny in an attempt to get laid. No problems here. But why do 3 of the girls feel the need to squat? Am I confused and this is actually their high-school team basketball picture? Are they a church choir - or doing a cheer? The girl on the far right looks like she has squatter's envy since she got stuck in the back row. On both sides is a load of luxurious space that could be filled with people - but instead everyone is hunched over. Do girls always want the option to put the picture in a frame and assume they need the extra side-space? Do girls consider the squat a flattering pose? Before the picture are you like - "Wait! Make sure you focus on the tops of my shoulders and my ass sticking out!"
Now there are plenty of other things girls do in pictures that I don’t understand and may write about in the future (gang signs, kissy face, and the worst – a picture of everyone's feet) but for now lets focus on the squatting. Maybe some of you can answer the following questions:
Why must you squat?
Is it always the same person squatting (can you be a squatter or non-squatter)?
Sub-question - If not - do you fight over who GETS to squat?
Is the squat predetermined or is it done in the heat of the moment?
Why is it never the girl in a low-cut shirt?
Ok maybe that last one was a bit skeezy - but it bears asking! Knowing most of you reading this are of the female persuasion please help me understand "The Squat" and it's place in society.