Monday, April 5, 2010

Bird Call

I've been watching "Life" on the Discovery channel because I am a giant nerd and was probably watching the Discovery channel anyways, but since a popular show came on now I can pretend like I'm cool.

If you don't know what "Life" is, you better get one! BURN!

Anyways, it is pretty much just like "Planet Earth" but less cool and more Oprah-y. Instead of just giving obscure facts and showing pictures that make my ridiculously awesome plasma TV outrank my girlfriend in my life, "Life" adds puns. Like when talking about birds and saying, "this bird is low in the pecking order". Get it? Because Oprah is a pecker?

(Side note - haven't called anyone a pecker in at least 13 years. It feels good. Real good.)

Last night they talked about birds. I have a love hate relationship with birds. I grew up in the country, so I am one of 6 people under the age of 65 to have ever participated in bird watching. For you city kids, imagine bum watching, but with less garbage and scratching themselves.

So even with my extensive bird knowledge, I still find them to be completely filthy disgusting animals. When was the last time you saw a group of birds and wanted to run and frolic with them? They are like the anti-puppy. (Editors note - penguins do not fall into this same category. I am convinced they aren't birds, but nature's comic relief).

And so last night, I watched a program that was more or less a slow-motion play-by-play of those damn things "feeding" each other.

Which means their parents go binge eat and then puke all over their babies.

Who decided that was ok? Was god just like, "Shit, I don't know what to do with these things. How about the parents are bulimic and the babies are trying out for 2girls1cup the sequel?"

Somewhere a frat house was watching this and were PUMPED. "Dude, that robin parties so hard. I bet he gets a TON of chicks."

Whoops. Ok, maybe this pun thing is kind of fun.

16 comments:

Page Seven said...

I don't get it, were you forced to go bird watching? Because that just seems insane to me.

Rahul said...

why do you think there's a movie called The Birds and not The Kittens?

Birds are killing machines.

Moooooog35 said...

This is why every time I have chicken I stab it to death first.

lacochran said...

You like peep shows?

I knew there was something I liked about you.

Banana Queen said...

The pet store thought it would be cute to put a bunch of chicks on display for Easter.....a friend pointed out that they were segregated. Each group had its own box- one called "smooth legged chicks". If the bird world can't even integrate, what hope do we have as humans? As a side note, they all looked delicious.....and really, thank god for smooth legged chickens.

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Ed said...

I saw that.

I kept screaming at the TV, "Shut your filthy hole, Oprah! This ain't The Color Purple!"

Kristen said...

Ugh! Oprah! She practically owns the sun, I'm not surprised she has another show...

Fizzgig said...

what i didnt like about life that ive watched is they cut out all the good parts. by good i mean, mating? I have a thing with seeing animals mate, and not in a gross way, in a generally curious way. Like do you know how caterpillars or chickens get it on? its interesting!

Wasnt the meerkats falling asleep standing up the cutest thing like....EVER?

LiLu said...

@Rahul, actually, I've seen "The Kittens." It's a snuff film.

Okay, you're right Narm. Puns are better.

Tina said...

I have chickens and they're a little bit like dogs in that they come running to me when I get home...and if I call them, they all come squawking and waddling out of the woods. The good thing is that they find most of their own food, they don't require vet visits, and they give us eggs. It's pretty much a win-win situation.

One night my son went out to close up the coop and used his flashlight to shine around and do a quick chicken head count. As he shined the light, two little beadie eyes looked back at him. He did a double take. As he called it, there was a "non-chicken" sittin' on the perch. He snatched the opossom off the perch by the hair on it's neck and tossed him out into the woods where he quickly climbed a tree before our German Shepherd had him for dinner.

It's always exciting around here on the farm! :)

WendyKat said...

if you buy the blueray version you can listen to the dulcet tones of sir david attenborough instead of the patronizing voice of oprah... you go gurl!

Nick said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one annoyed by Oprah. Everyone thought I was racist when I complained about "that black lady" narrating Life. Though I suppose I could have phrased that better...

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Gofahne said...

I'm gonna have to stop reading your blog at work. The chuckles from my corner cube have officially gotten out of hand.

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