If I had one piece of advice for loving couples who are thinking about moving in together it would be this -
OH MY GOD! RUN AWAY! GO! GO! NEVER LOOK BACK! MAY YOUR FEET BE LIKE THE WIND!
You see, while 99% of the time things are peachy-keen, by letting a woman this close into your life she discovers your weaknesses.
Before we lived together I was like some handsome super hero. I would show up, be punctual, charming, have a beard and be an all around woo machine. Then, I could go home and let out all of my weird little quirks and no one would know. I mean, I'm not a mass murderer who wears the skin of his victims around the house - but sometimes instead of walking down the stairs I jump all the way down and then do a ninja kick-punch combination. I'm lethal.
So now that the Lady Friend has infiltrated the Bat Cave, she has discovered my kryptonite and become quite the joker.
You see, I have some off habits. Her favorite? During a meal, I make sure that at the very end, I have exactly one bite of each course, as well as exactly one sip of my drink left.
It takes some careful planning. I love tater tots and don't really like the green beans - but I have to eat them in equal portions so that they both reach the finish line at the end. Then I wash it all down with that last, delicious sip.
But the Lady Friend is on to me. She watches me eat, she calculates exactly when I what pace I am at and then - BAM - she takes a sip of my drink.
This obviously sends me into a spiral of despair. Now I have to recalculate the entire order of my dinner - I won't get to take a drink when the normally scheduled drink would happen and am left to push my green beans around my plate, wondering if life is really worth all the hassle.
And the worst part is the satisfied smile on her face when she sees my world fall apart around her. She sits, all content, eating the last of her tater tots without a care in the world.
Pretty cocky for a girl sitting so close to a ninja.