Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Super Market Sweep

I'm officially not allowed to go to the grocery ever again.

It disorients me. It confuses me. I get flustered and have no idea what to do.

Look at all that produce. What do I do with that? How do I get these stupid bags open? I sit there and stare at the fruit and pretend I know which one is better. Like my choosing of fruit is some kickball game and you don't want to get picked last. Except I'm a blind kid in a wheelchair.

Then I get in line at the deli counter and they ask me how much provolone I want. I don't know? What is a normal amount of cheese? A pound? Two pounds? A gallon? What is cheese measured in? Is there a cheese metric system?

And just think how confusing it would have been if I were sober!

14 comments:

Sarah said...

you could buy a gallon of nacho cheese, but i don't know how happy your lady would be if that's the only cheese you came home with.

lbluca77 said...

The grocery store makes me mad. True story.

Anonymous said...

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Lady Fromage said...

Ha! Must be a man thing, when hubby enters the grocery store, it's as if he's in a foreign land... It's not uncommon for him to spend an hour in there, make a few phone calls for help ("Honey, what aisle is ... on?"), all for just a few items :)

LiLu said...

Don't be silly. Cheese is measured in aerosol cans. Everyone knows that!

Sil said...

Just smell everything!
Just pick up some fruit, raise it to your nose and inhale.
Smell it like its a fine wine - and that you are one of those wine wan... ahem, connoisseurs.
I swear - everyone around you thinks that you know what you're doing.
I do it all the time, I don't know why i do it, but, damn! Does it impress the ladies!

Fizzgig said...

cheese metrics are, there is never enough! and normal is boring anyway.

maybe said...

like ur writing style..it's the real deal. just keep on writing...

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Andhari said...

I don't know how to pick good fruits either. I usually go for the biggest one!

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~http://www.mocataipei.org.tw/_chinese/index.asp 台北當代藝術館








~
鄔瑪·舒曼
鄔瑪·舒曼,攝於2009年的坎城影展
鄔瑪·舒曼,攝於2009年的坎城影展
女演員
原名 Uma Karuna Thurman
英文名 Uma Thurman
國籍 美國
出生 1970年4 月29日 (1970-04-29) (39歲)
美國麻薩諸塞州波士頓
職業 演員
語言 英語
宗教信仰 佛教

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