I've got a story about a good friend of mine. His name is Tony Romo (editors note: may not be actual friend).
As you know, my girlfriend is a vegetarian. As you may also know, Tony Romo used to date the awkwardly attractive Carrie Underwood, also a vegetarian.
After Romo and Underwood broke up, he began dating Jessica Simpson. Jessica Simpson is not a vegetarian. In fact, she wore a shirt declaring her love for dead animals.
Now, Jessica Simpson looks like this -
And Carrie Underwood looks like this -
Pass the lettuce, please.