MAMBO NUMBA 5...HUNDRED.
Today is my 500th blog post. I started this thing in the fall of 2007 - assuming it would be like my love life at the time - based loosely around drunk texts and heavy petting.
But I stuck with it. And now I'm married. Coincidence? Yeah, probably - but if you'd like to take some credit for my having conquered my fear of commitment and tying the knot, then go right ahead, Reader.
Just remember that while I may be happy - you broke the heart of single women everywhere. In particular Marissa Miller who CAN STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES ANYTIME NOW. It is awkward and pathetic.
With hitting the big five hundo today, I wanted to introduce a new feature here at The 'Neck. Does anyone remember Would Ya Wednesdays - the fun-family game of telling me if you would intercourse certain celebrities? Well this is kinda like that but with WAY more judging.
So welcome to the new feature here at The 'Neck:
Where I show a celebrity couple and you tell me which one is the ugly one - and therefore, dating up.
Seal and Heidi Klum. Heidi Klum is so hot I could have relations with her shadow. Seal's face looks like one of those 3-D ultrasound things that make it look like the mother has an alien growing in her belly.
That means that Seal is Dating Up.
So here are today's lucky contestants:
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.
I realize I should hate Justin Timberlake but for some reason I can't bring myself to do it. I have to imagine if I were him I would act pretty much the exact same way. I mean the guy is better at literally everything than I am. How do you go from being in a boy band and having that stupid curly hair to being that cool? It has to be one of the greatest reversals in history. They should play his E! True Hollywood Story on ESPN Classic - thats how good of a comeback he had.
And what can I say about Jessica Biel? Her ass is like the opposite of Seal's face. They should make tanks out of that thing as I have to imagine it is one of the hardest substances on earf.
So it's time to put one of them down by telling me they are dating up:
Remember - the ugly one is dating up. And if you don't know whether or not YOU are dating up in your relationship? Then you are. By a mile. But at least you don't have Seal's face.