Tuesday, January 18, 2011

500th Post and Dating Up

MAMBO NUMBA 5...HUNDRED.

Today is my 500th blog post. I started this thing in the fall of 2007 - assuming it would be like my love life at the time - based loosely around drunk texts and heavy petting.

But I stuck with it. And now I'm married. Coincidence? Yeah, probably - but if you'd like to take some credit for my having conquered my fear of commitment and tying the knot, then go right ahead, Reader.

Just remember that while I may be happy - you broke the heart of single women everywhere. In particular Marissa Miller who CAN STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES ANYTIME NOW. It is awkward and pathetic.

With hitting the big five hundo today, I wanted to introduce a new feature here at The 'Neck. Does anyone remember Would Ya Wednesdays - the fun-family game of telling me if you would intercourse certain celebrities? Well this is kinda like that but with WAY more judging.

So welcome to the new feature here at The 'Neck:

Dating Up.

Where I show a celebrity couple and you tell me which one is the ugly one - and therefore, dating up.

Example -

Seal and Heidi Klum. Heidi Klum is so hot I could have relations with her shadow. Seal's face looks like one of those 3-D ultrasound things that make it look like the mother has an alien growing in her belly.

That means that Seal is Dating Up.

So here are today's lucky contestants:

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel.

I realize I should hate Justin Timberlake but for some reason I can't bring myself to do it. I have to imagine if I were him I would act pretty much the exact same way. I mean the guy is better at literally everything than I am. How do you go from being in a boy band and having that stupid curly hair to being that cool? It has to be one of the greatest reversals in history. They should play his E! True Hollywood Story on ESPN Classic - thats how good of a comeback he had.

And what can I say about Jessica Biel? Her ass is like the opposite of Seal's face. They should make tanks out of that thing as I have to imagine it is one of the hardest substances on earf.

So it's time to put one of them down by telling me they are dating up:

Remember - the ugly one is dating up. And if you don't know whether or not YOU are dating up in your relationship? Then you are. By a mile. But at least you don't have Seal's face.

19 comments:

Fizzgig said...

justin is totally dating up. You dont go from britney to jessica, and think its a lateral move.

flask said...

uh, narm?

huh?

usually i can follow you, but what?

Jennee said...

Oh this is a tough call because I don't' really like either of them. In terms of looks I'd say Justin is dating up but in terms of success...I have to say that Jessica is pretty lucky to get the guy that turns everything into gold.

Moooooog35 said...

Justin is dating up.

Way up.

Like...he's dating so far up he should probably start using oxygen soon.

Congrats on your 500, dude. I'm pretty sure I got in here somewhere around post 3 or some shit.

Good times. Good times.

Kristy said...

Justin is dating up, for sure. He is one of those men who is deemed attractive by the masses but no one is exactly sure where that opinion started because there is no weight to it. Jessica, on the other hand, is gorgeous.

Narm said...

Wow, really though Justin had more love out there with the ladies. He can dance and is kind of a nerd. Like Michael Cera and Usher mixed.

And if anyone browsing this comment sections doesn't read Mooooog's blog then you might as well block off your afternoon. You've got work to do.

SandiHensel said...

Jessica is dating up. If you look at the overall package, Justin has way more to offer. However, I may be bias being that I grew up in the NSYNC era :)

Mitch said...

Jessica is definitely the one dating up. Her face just looks...strange.

Maxie said...

Jessica is SO dating up. What is she up to right now other than being hot? At least Justin is..

wait, what's justin doing.

nevermind.

Kelli said...

I think that is a bad picture of Justin and a better than normal picture of Jessica. Jessica is dating up.

seanski said...

Jessica is dating up. I know she is pretty damn beautiful, but JT is def a bigger package. And I would know about his package.

Erica Ortiz said...

Justin is dating up. I just don't see the attraction if we are talking purely looks alone.

Now careerwise, that's a different subject.

@billablebarbie said...

if you are judging on looks alone (and really, how else are you supposed to judge someone) then justin is definitely dating up.

prettylittlereckless said...

Jessica is dating up. I personally don't think she's pretty. Yeah she has a great body, but the face? No. I'm not saying Justin is omg gorgous either, but... he's the overall package here. He's got William Rast clothing line, he did the whole boy band thing, movies etc. What the hell is she doing lately? I think he should've stuck with Britney. I don't think she would've went all crazy had they been together. Pretty sure they'd be a power couple.

Anonymous said...

If we were talking about their singing ability, and if I was 14 again I would say Jessica is most definately dating up! But, we are not talking about the beauty of their voices, this is not Back from the Future, and this is a horrible pic of J.T. So, Sorry Justo But you are dating up!

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Free singles Dating said...

I like both of them.But jessica's face looks strange.I think she is the one Daing up.

Anonymous said...

i don't like Jessica but she is SO dating up.... her face looks weird
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