Monday, January 31, 2011


I normally don't do this on my blog, but here is a picture of my wife:

The woman doesn't know how to make statements. Everything she says is in the form of a question. It is like she has some weird obsession with curved punction.

Every conversation starts with a statement posed as a question:

How about how much you love bacon?

Why is Meryl Streep such a good actress?

How about how is it so cold outside?

And it goes on and on.

The problem isn't that she is asking questions - it is that she is asking questions that don't have answers. She might as well be asking me for the meaning of life or why Nickelback is famous. Plus, she says something and then looks at me for a response - like I am some social mistake that I can't even answer a simple question.

This has been going on for years now - and I never knew how to respond. When nearly every sentence starts with "How about how" there are only so many smartass things to say.

But then - I finally figured it out.


Yes, four.

Everytime she asks a question that has no logical answer, I just say, "four".

"How about how you hate carrots?"


"Why isn't there more cereal?"


"Why are you crying?"


It works perfectly. And it lets me drift in and out of conversations. Whatever she says I just respond with, "four" and I can't be wrong.

In fact, now that I don't have to answer her questions all the time, I've had a chance to tackle some of the bigger questions in life. "What does it all mean?" "Where do we go when we die?"

If you want to know go ahead and ask. I've got a perfect answer for ya.


Moooooog35 said...

Now just go the extra mile and have a shirt printed with 'Four' on it. That way, you just have to point to your shirt.

See? No speaking to your wife!

It's gonna happen sooner or later.

Fizzgig said...

you dont like carrots?

Narm said...

Fizzgig - I hate carrots. With a passion. They are stupid.

Ed said...

This only works until she asks how many hookers you were with last night.

Trust me.

Anonymous said...

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." Rodney Dangerfield