Monday, January 3, 2011

Sleep Tight

What must the aliens think?.

If you were watching this planet from millions of light years away - wouldn't you be disgusted with humans? I'm sure they are sitting there with their 6 arms and their gills and four brains thinking, "Really, Fatty Human, McDonald's again? Why don't you just ORDER diabetes?"

Which got me thinking - if aliens were to ever come hang out with me on a Friday night, one of the hardest things to explain would have to be sleep.

How do you explain sleep to someone?

"Hey, buddy! What did you do last night?"

"Well, I was unconscious for like eight hours."

"What the hell? That's not good? Are you ok?"

"Yeah - actually I had a dream where I was a superhero that could turn anything into tacos. So, ya know, could be worse."

Imagine if you were an alien watching that. Like, trying to learn the customs of humans.

"Ok, so first they go sit in a small cube and stare at a box with numbers on it for 8 hours a day. Then they get into a moving box and get in long lines that move extremely slowly until they get to what appears to be a home. Once there, they consume food and stare at another box, that seems to contain smaller humans doing something called "Dancing with the Stars". But there aren't any stars which is stupid. After that they just lay there. For like 8 fucking hours. It is boring as hell. What are they doing? It is like they're dead. What a boring fucking species."

Either that or aliens just think we keep waking from the dead and this is an entire planet full of zombies. Which would explain why they haven't invaded us, yet.

Because if you had four brains, would YOU want to visit a planet full of zombies? Not without a taco-makin' Super Hero, you wouldn't.


lacochran's evil twin said...

"Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements."

Moooooog35 said...

In my defense, I only watch the box with "Dancing with the Stars" on it to see if the censors miss a nipple-slip.

One of these days it's bound to happen and I'll be damned if my little box with people on it has "Big Bang Theory" playing.

Fizzgig said...

being an alien would be awesome. I bet they dont have to work, and just fly around spying on humans all day.

Being a cat would be awsomer though, because no flying is required, and you are cute and fluffy, and also don't have to work.

Rahul said...

And how do you explain the whole pizza phenomenon? Cheese. Bread. Vegetables. Pineapple?

It makes no sense.


Alines would also ask why do those fat humand stare at that boz filled with lights and why don't they talk to their family?

Buff Tan Honky said...

Deep. Hilarious. Thought provoking.

flask said...


and while we're trying to explain things to the aliens, let's try to explain smoking. and heroin. not why we do it once we've started, but why we think it's a good idea to START. 'coz that just looks so freakin' glamorous and fun, you know?