Tuesday, November 13, 2007


On the advice of a fellow blogger, today’s episode is the recipe to my perfect (read as: awkward or stalker) celebrity girl. Here are the rules – three celebrities, mixed together to make the perfect partner. Just to spice it up you are allowed a “pinch” of a fourth celebrity. I will do mine (heh, heh) but please leave a comment and let me know what turns your crank. I should also warn that I have incredibly weird taste and turn-ons – so read at your own risk.

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Samaire Armstrong (of The O.C. and Dirty, Sexy, Money fame).
I know, I know, terrible shows – but look at this girl. I’d watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” if she was on it. If she told me it would turn her on I would buy Nickleback’s entire catalog (ok – no woman is worth that). Mix that with my obsession with girls with a little style (especially of the punk rock variety) and you’ve got your first ingredient. I also have a weird obsession with girls’ quirks – and that weird sideways smile fits the bill.

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Tift Merritt (alt.country singer / songwriter).
She fills two needs – Southern Belle and Tortured Artist. A lil twang in the voice and my pants are two sizes too small. I’m a redneck – cut me some slack. I am also pretty sure that she writes the saddest songs in the world. Sample lyric:
“I'm gonna have a good cry over nothin'
But a handful of cigarettes.
I'm gonna leave the windows open
When I feel like gettin' dressed.
I'm gonna think hard about leavin'
See if the afternoon can tell.
I'm gonna let him lie there sleepin'
Then I'm gonna love him well.”

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Winona Rider (of Girl, Interrupted and psycho-celebrity fame).
Now, she is gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but that’s not why she is here. She fits my need for bat-shit crazy. Ever heard the stories? Johnny Depp had her name tattooed on his arm. Ryan Adams wrote 1,000,000 songs about her. She even had a stint in a psychiatric hospital. Bat-shit crazy I tell you – and I guess I am attracted to it for the same reason girls like guys with motorcycles – we all need a little danger.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand for my pinch…

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Bettie Page.
You figure it out.

Lets hear it, Reader - who floats your boat and why?


BloggingJason said...

All I'm gonna say is, Winona Rider is a fetish of mine and I commend the selection. If the task at hand wasn't to splice a chick together, she makes it to #2.....Here's my sexiest Frankenstein evar:

Scarlett Johansson
She's just stinkin' hot.

Gwen Stefani
Not now, but back a few years with No Doubt. Punk chicks who take care of themselves are hot.

Kat Von D
Maybe not all of her, but at least an arm. Tat's on a chick almost automatically put her out of my league.

For the good of the world, this chick could never be real, because she'd be so hot that she'd set fire to an airplane black box.

p.s.-Somebody teach me basic html so I can post pics and not look like a rube. kthx.

Jason said...

Good selections by all... bloggingjason... I'm loving Gwen and Kat Von D. I was just saying last night how Kat Von D is freaky amazing hot- with that said, I won't re-use them below.

Anyway, here's mine:

Natalie Portman:
I love her big beautiful BRAIN... this chic went to Harvard- she can act and do long division. I would literally never have to work again Oh and she's the cutest thing since ... well... me.

Jessica Biel:
I have to have at least one super typical hot chic... and she's it. She's in he for her bangability factor- and she looks wicked hot with a crossbow in hand.

Franka Potente:
Run Lola Run! I watched a movie just about this girl running... and she was Jason Bourne's girlfriend... so I know she could put up with my shit.

And for the pinch...
Heidi Klum:
Million dollar panties...
Is okay with a dude with scars on his face...
That's enough for me.

If this woman were created from DNA I'm sure something horrible would happen and she'd be on the rag like 23 out of 30 days in the month... its just the way fate works. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away... wow did I just say that?

Momo said...

This post is awesome. I'm starting to think I should stop repressing my bat-shit craziness... who knew?

Anyway, you inspired me. My post today is a rip-off of yours.

Allison M. said...

Here's my version.

Christian from Nip/Tuck
Who wouldn't want someone to snort coke of of them in bed?

Nick Lachey--
He seems pretty down to earth, funny and hot, of course.

Ta Dah! And, Ryan Gosling. If I had a boyfriend like Noah, I tell ya.

Narm said...

BloggingJason - nice Gwen Stefani and Scarlett - and I am a sucker for tattoos as well (not the lower back - I'm talking a full sleeve).

Jason - mmmm...Natalie Portman.

Momo - loved your post. Glad you enjoyed.

Allison - Why are girls so obsessed with Christian (besides the obvious coke thing). He couldn't be more of a slimeball - this is why I complain about women.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad everyone likes the recipe game! Don't forget the most important rule: Your pinch is the only person allowed to change. Your 3 need to stay pretty solid...because if you drop them too easily, why would they be the perfect person anyway??

OK, here's mine. They have remained constant for about 8 years.

1. Sting. His ability to do amazing yoga AND have tantric sex.

2. Jon Bon Jovi. Since 1984, baby!

3. Zach Braff. Totally cute and goofy. Love his sense of humor and musical taste.

Pinch. Ed Robertson (BNL). Same reasons as Zach.

Carolyn said...

Narm, nice job on your recipe I am a softie for bat-shit crazy people too.

Amy and I made this game up when we were bored one day about 10 years ago - my recipe hasn't changed since:

Lance Armstrong

There is nothing sexier to me than a guy with passion - The fact that Lance was training in Spain hours a day with a testicle the size of an orange speaks volumes. That edgy confidence is also a turn on -he doesn't give a crap what you think about him or that damn crowe chick. Just as he said to the cyclist from Spain who stopped inches short of the finish line so he wouldn't have to cross with Lance the cocky s.o.b; "go F@#$ yourself"

John Cusak

what can I say, tall, dark and handsome...and quirky - exactly my type. He connects with me on so many levels; Chicago; Passion for films and film festivals; loyalty to friends and family - sis and Jeremy Piven are in so many films w/ him; so many quoatable lines:
High Fidelity: Rob: What came first, the music or the misery?
Say Anything: "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen"

Steven Page:

He is and always will be in my recipe. His voice sends chills through and through and I am a sucker for funny,nerdy muscians with retro glasses. Love him. OH, CANADA..!!

My pinch changes daily - today it's Max from Dancing with the Stars - - - my version of Bettie Page.

Marcy said...

My hats off to all you bakers who have kept your recipes the same for years...kudos. I tend to be the one asking Amy for help on my list - how have I been married for 11 years...to the same man? Here's mine:

Matthew McConaughey - going along with the bat-shit crazy theme here. Say what you will about men from Texas but down home southern cowboys are hot. Have you seen the Stetson ads??

Brad Pitt - I have tried forever to get him off my list. He just keeps coming back. He's an awful actor, he broke my heart when he broke Jen's heart and he's gotten really weird, but he is just so easy on the eyes.

Pierce Brosnan - Don't laugh. He is another that always gets added. From Remington Steele in the 80s to James Bond, we all need an established dapper Brit in the mix.

Pinch - Since Matt Damon was just named People Magazine's sexiest man alive, I'll add him. I will help Jason Bourne find his identity all day long. He seems so normal.