I've Got An Election

I apologize for the lack in posting. If you can't tell by my feeble attempt at a sexual reference in the title, I've been circling Writer's block for the last week trying to find the address of Something Interesting.

I've also been working on a new title / layout for this blog. I'm hoping with enough pretty pictures you won't notice my lack of interesting posts (the Baywatch Theory).

Anyways it is election season...I think. My brain can only handle a certain amount of information, as noted in the chart below:


Don't act like the words Jeff Nomina Pie Chart don't make you hungry.

Anyways that chart is obviously a sham but the amount of cute girls in my life would decrease significantly if the zombie and bear portions were increased to be more realistic.

As you can see - there is no room for politics. I didn't vote in the last election - mainly because I believe that an uneducated vote is worse than a non-vote. (I also believe in justifying my laziness with profound thoughts.) In the years that have followed, I have been in countless arguments about the merit of my "Don't Vote, Dumbass" theory - making it actually have the OPPOSITE effect on my quest to be lazy. For this reason I have decided to vote in the upcoming election.

So where the fuck do I start??? Listening to politicians speak is like me talking to a supermodel - she is just telling me what I want to hear so I'll punch her ticket. The commercials are even worse - I'd really love to know what these people stand FOR, not AGAINST. Maybe that is why I don't get chicks, instead of saying, "I'm really into fitness and showering women with expensive gifts." I need to say, "I HATE DEAD PUPPIES AND I WON'T STAND FOR IT ANYMORE!" Hell if it got Bush elected it HAS to work miracles.

And now with the upcoming election (an extremely important one with the way things have gone the last 8 years) the important issues have been sidestepped - focusing instead on the question, "Is America ready for a black / female President?" It is hard to get motivated to get educated and go vote when so many people will vote for (or against) a candidate simply because of their race / sex. Besides, if we just had mentally challenged President, how can we be prejudice against race or sex?

So my question is - where do I go to get the facts? The candidates are too busy flinging their own poopoo at each other, the news media is skewed and I am extremely lazy.

Is there somewhere that explains and breaks down the candidates and their stance on important issues (like zombie attacks and casual Fridays)? Or am I stuck with another four years of explaining why I didn't vote?