Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Random Thoughts 1/22

I find it weird that some guys undo their belts in the urinal. That is what the fly is for. Don’t act like you are SO big you have to undo your belt, Buddy. When I am saddled up in the urinal, the sound of a guy next to me undoing his belt is a bit frightening. I’m in a vulnerable position, back turned and hoodle-hoo in hand, some guy undoing is belt is actually the exact worst thing I could hear.

I wish I could spell the word embarrassing right on the first try – just once. Damnit.

If Cleveland were ever attacked by giant monsters, I think we would be saved by shear boredom. “RAWR! SMASH KEY BANK BUILDING! RAWR! NOW….UM…Fuck guys what else is there to destroy around here? I mean the river was on fire before I got here.” Oh man would Godzilla be pissed. King Kong would have it even worse – he could climb to the top of the Key Bank building and the authorities wouldn’t know WHAT to do. “Oh no! He climbed all the way up there! We’ll never reach him – unless I throw kinda hard!” I actually think Cleveland would be MORE safe. At least you would know just to avoid the giant dinosaur. The way things are now I have to avoid the everywhere.

I find it odd that when driving on 480 there is a handicap lane. And it stands for mentally handicapped. And it is for all four lanes on 480.

Why does everyone’s voice drop to some crazy deep voice when they are in meetings? I already have a deep voice so I sometimes just speak in tones only a whale can interpret. “Well 3rd quarter trending is down in our target markets. Jeff, what do you have to say about this?” “Whaaaaaaaaooooooooaaaaaaaaeeeeeeew.”

I just read that Heath Ledger apparently committed suicide. I am already sick of all the Brokeback Mountain jokes that are going to come out of this. I think how awesome he looks as the Joker in the new Batman should immediately cancel any guy from being able to make a gay cowboy joke.


Allison M. said...

I asked the B.F. about the belt thing -- he just does the fly. Of course, that is if you were wondering.

J-Fresh said...

I'm proud to say I undo the belt and it is because I am just that big...

That and the fact that putting a zipper that close to my wing-wang brings back childhood memories of those jumpsuits you'd wear to bed and the unfortunate zipping incident of '82.

Hot Coffee Girl said...

Of course, the use of the word wing-wang and calling himself J-Fresh likely means that you and he can no longer be friends.