If anyone know what it is like to be a super hero, it is me.
Let's face it, this beard, my punctuality, these tights I wear under my business casual work attire - if anyone on earf is a superhero it is me.
But I want the movies to catch up.
I don't care how cool all these action heroes are - they still stub their toes and get nervous around hot girls. It is science.
Just once I want to see the mysterious outlaw look at the ridiculously hot girl and completely fumble over his words. Or go for the kiss and she slaps him and is all, "MY DAD WAS JUST BLOWN UP BY A KAMAKAZEE MUTANT EXPLODING BEAR AND YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT! IT ISN'T ALL JUST ABOUT SEX, YA KNOW! DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY LAST NAME?"
Or the super hero yells, "NOT SO FAST!" to the villain but instead of a cheesy come-back that plays into his over-the-top villain theme (Joker, Mr. Freeze, etc) the villain just stumbles over a bad joke -
"When you mess with the Sharkman - you sleep with the fishes!"
"Aren't shark fish?"
"Um...yes...but...they eat fish too, so, ya know..."
"So if sharks are fish, and you want me to sleep with fish - are you asking me to sleep with you?"
"DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE, BUSINESS CASUAL MAN!"
That's right, my super hero name is Business Casual Man, able to match Dockers and Polos in a single bound.
Except on Fridays.
Fridays we get to wear jeans.