Thursday, September 2, 2010

Tough As Press-On Nails

I am so embarrassed by my generation's version of the 'tough guy'.

When I see a Harley shirt wearin, handle bar mustachio'd man - I know he is a tough guy. I realize he can beat me up and that I should probably curl up into a little ball and scream things like, "I BRUISE EASILY!"

So what did my generation go and do? We fucked it up.

What is 'tough guy' about a chin-strap beard (I hate to insult the word beard in this sense)? Is "manscaping" sexy? Should I fear you because if I'm not careful you'll take your beard and sideburn trimmer and write something real real mean in my hair?

Or what about these bedazzled shirts with birds and dragons on them? Nothing says "hardass" like sequins. "Hey, yo, Butch - I, uh...I love how yo' shirt sparkles real nice like in the sunlight."

But the worst? Energy drinks.

Why is Monster the new Jack Daniels?

What is tough about energy drinks? Is a guy who has an issue with being drowsy now a turn on?

Is it the "danger" factor? Are you always on the edge of your seat that he'll have one too many energy drinks and then WATCH OUT! He might get the shakes or talk real fast.

I'm fairly sure Kris Kristofferson didn't write "Sunday Morning Coming Down" about that really tired feeling you get after a Red Bull. But then again, today's tough guys couldn't pick Kristofferson out of a lineup.

But it isn' their fault; there isn't much Kris Kristofferson played at the tanning beds.


Moooooog35 said...

Are you telling me that my Bedazzler was a COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY?!

Lemmonex said...

Give me Clint Eastwood any day.

But please, a little bit of manscaping never harmed anyone.

Allison M. said...

i love a bedazzler.

Idea #527 said...

First of all, I'm super happy you even mentioned Kris Kristofferson. He is a bad ass. And considering he was an original Highway Man. Ooh I love those guys. . .

Anyway, our generation brought about Metro-sexual?? Remember?? Nothing says "tough" like matching your tie to your socks.

zwinggi said...

americans in-general aren't tough anymore. kids wake up to cartoons on their LCD tvs, gameboy3007, the newest playstation79 game, and are super-annoyed about how unfair life is when their pokemon battle goes south.

sierra leonians are tough. liberians are tough. kids wake up with M16s and Uzis and hope they don't have to defend their mothers from systematic rape today.

Stephanie Ann said...

Ooooh Kris Kristofferson. Quite possibly the sexiest man's man the world has ever seen.

Banana Queen said...

It all started when women started demanding that little boys act like girls and stop playing war games, pointing their fingers and yelling "BANG!", engaging in snowball fights and fist-fights and general tomfoolery. The last great kid was Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, and damn it I am doing my best to raise a BOY into a MAN in a big, fat, crybaby world.

By the way, only insecure women are turned on by metrosexuals. Real women want real men who aren't afraid to pull their hair. Just sayin'.

Lady Fromage said...

Last night hubby and I went to the bar with friends and while we were out we saw a "man" (using the term loosley here) in a glittery shirt. I thought of you (Of your post anyway. Not of you in a glittery shirt or anything...)

-Lady Fromage

Kyna said...

Oh, I don't know. I think a chinstrap beard is pretty tough looking.

On a leprechaun.