There are a lot of things I miss about being a kid: being able to play with action figures without looking like a creeper, movies with talking animals and, of course, all the BK Knights light up shoes.
But I don't miss swimming.
I probably haven't gone swimming in 4 years. What did I see in this as a kid? I treat my swimsuit the same way I treat my Sugar Ray CDs - I hide them way in the back of the attic in a box with "OLD FILES" written on it.
Think about swimming. First you decide, "Hey, I'm going to go swimming!" Innocent enough. But then comes the swimsuit - do you wear underwear underneath it? I don't know. It is kind of weird. It gets all wet and clingy and then you have to pack an EXTRA pair of underwear. If there are girls there and your bag of clothes opens up they see your underwear. That is kind of weird. But if you don't wear underwear and your swimsuit gets all clingy it is even more embarrassing. What if your Mom is there? No one needs that. And don't get me started on that netting they put in swimsuits. That netting couldn't be more uncomfortable if it was a black guy at a Taylor Hicks concert.
Then you have to pack the rest of your crap. You know damn well you are going to forget something - towel, sun screen, extra pants, flip flops, extra underwear. Something ain't making that trip. And what do you do with your wet clothes AFTER you swim. A bag of wet clothes is about as much fun as Tyler Perry movie.
Let's jut get this out there - swimming is exercise. You can't put floaties on me and push me towards an eliptical machine, so don't think that pool is any better. Though it is nice that I can pee while I'm in there.
Finally you get done and dry off - but there is ALWAYS that one asshole that wants to get back in. Now your towel is all wet - half your dry clothes are wet and you have to get back in the water. For what? More exercise? Who are you, Jillian Michaels?
So when people ask me to go swimming I just say, go right ahead. I'll stand on the shore in these sweet BK Knights.