Thursday, May 26, 2011

Cannibal Crops

What if plants have feelings?

We already know they grow better if you talk to them - who's to say they don't have emotions or can feel pain? Maybe that plant doesn't want water right now it just wants someone to listen - why can't you ever listen? I have tulips and they were made for talking, mister.

As soon as science catches up to realize that plants are like really lazy dogs (or really active cats), it is going to throw vegetarians for a loop.

They've spent so much time trying not to be cruel to animals - all the while kicking this hell out of some asparagus. Suddenly their diet would be high in fiber AND murder.

Think about the holocaust that happens every year around harvest for farmers! Think about your disgusting compost pile! Think about the lawn mowers, the tree limb cutters, the weed wackers.

Think about the baby carrots.

But before you feel too bad, think, also, about the the fact that these plants grow in dirt. Dirt that is made up of their dead relatives and friends. The compost of their fallen breathren.

Plants are cannibals.

Which is kinda gross, if you think about it.

I'll stick to cleaner food.

Like pork.


Ed said...

Hooray for BACON!

nom nom nom

*WORD VERIFICATION word is "slyme"*

Brutalism said...

Succotash stops a beating heart.