There are several (hundred) things that annoy me about owning a home, but perhaps none more than people shitting in my yard.
Ok, so maybe it is their dog shitting in my yard, but does that change the fact that there is shit in my yard?
Who decided it was ok to drop a grumpy in my lawn as long as it belonged to an animal? IT IS STILL POOP. Stumpy's shit doesn't smell like roses, no matter what kind of stupid sweater you put on him.
So now when I mow my lawn, I either A) step in dog shit which I will undoubtedly track through the house or B) hit it with the mower and "make it rain" on my yard with Spot's dung.
How is this not against the law? You are literally leaving shit in my yard as you walk by. Real poop. It is perfectly legal to poop in my lawn. My lawn is your dog's bathroom. For poop. It is vandalism to break someone's stupid lawn gnome, but POOPING IN THEIR LAWN is legal.
If I am beginning to sound redundant I apologize, but people are shitting in my lawn.
If you aren't a big enough grown up to pick up after your dog, not only do you not deserve to be a pet owner, but you should also be shot. And then I should get to poop on you.
I'd love to follow these people home and then drop my trousers and release the beast, but I have stage fright. And collecting my own poop at home is one notch TOO crazy. Even for me.
I think my only defense is to get my OWN dog and then let him shit all over these peoples' lawn. Is there a breed that produces more crap than other breeds? I want my dog to more or less be a poop factory - like a baby but with fur.