Monday, February 8, 2010

Give Me A Breakfast

I have set a world record.


Every morning I sit at my desk and think to myself, "DAMN how much longer until I get to eat lunch." Then I get up and look at my packed lunch to see if there is any way I can just get a nibble - like a lion picking off a baby wildebeest as an appetizer.

This used to happen around 11.

Then 10:45

It continued to move up until I was famished at 10:15.

But now?

It is 9:22 and I am starving. That cold meat sub sitting on my book shelf is about to be chewed into submission before taking a pummeling from my stomach. I won't even tell you where it goes from there (poop).

I am fairly certain I am a fat kid trapped in a skinny-kids body. Which can't be very comfortable for the fat kid. I imagine it feels a lot like wearing whitey-tighties - you need a shoe horn to get everything crammed in there.

So now I am left to scour the office for leftover niblets of breakfasts' past.

Maybe I can scrap the wrapper of a muffin.

Or steal the last few bites of an apple core.

Say, are you going to eat the rest of that wildebeest?


stealthnerd said...

Haha I used to do that too. There would be days where I would eat whatever "breakfast" I'd packed, realize that a NutriGrain bar can't fill up anyone over the age of 4 and then run downstairs for a bagel. All before 9:30. I applaud you for making it as long as you did.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Put some bran buds in your yogurt, hoping you are not lactose intolerant. The bran buds will inflate in your stomach making you feel like your full until you go to the bathroom and have a poop explosion, then its lunch time. TAAADAAAAA!

Maxie said...

this is the story of my life. Oh, I'll have ONE cracker. No wait, I'll have the whole pack. Rebecca won't mind if I eat her soup, right?

lbluca77 said...

Put your food in the fridge or someplace you can't see it. Cause then if you can't see it then it won't call out your name.

Problem solved.

Moooooog35 said...

That's why I don't go to work until 11:45.

Ed Adams said...


What's that?

A Haitian Orphan

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm why don't you, oh, i don't know, EAT BREAKFAST?

LiLu said...

As a firm believer that cheese solves all problems, I give you this...


Andhari said...

That sounds like me, Narm. :D

Jez said...

What, no snack machines where you work? My snack machine-refiller guy gives me a bottle of whiskey for Christmas each year because of my snack machine utilization.

nori.kapza said...

next blog // hallo! it's 12 and for the last hour im being tortured from a invisible common sense that says that i cannot eat before 13:00!!

mr. overly competitive said...

Scrounge from others. . . . .it'll save your lunch.