Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Head in the Sandra

Listen, I have the love for Sandra Bullock. Who doesn't? She seems like a real human being, is funny, humble, kind and looks like this -

Luckily for her this is America, so with legs like that she probably doesn't have to pay taxes or stop at toll booths. My only complaint would be that even though she is gorgeous, she kinda looks like Ashton Kutcher with longer hair. But I'll let it slide.

But even with parts of me having it hard (TWSS!) for Sandra, I don't really feel that bad for her in this whole "my husband had sex with a slutty, tattooed white supremacist" thing.

You see, she is a fucking idiot.

And I know some of you are outraged right now. You are saying, "But Narm, how can you say these evil things about our beloved Sandra!"

How can I say these things? How about the fact that she chose to be the third wife to a man who was once married to a porn star. Who used to party with Danzig and Slayer. Who stole cars as a teenager. Who slicks his hair back like some hilarious 90's bad boy stereotype. WHO WAS IN A COMMERCIAL WITH WHOOPI GOLDBERG!

When you heard Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock, was there any question it was going to be some raunchy girl with fake boobs? Were you surprised? About as surprised as when that KILLER whale KILLED that woman?

And this isn't new. Girls are notorious for this. If girls shopped for cars like they chase men, Toyota would be booming. "There's a chance the accelerator will stick and I'll go down in a ball of flames? Where do I sign?"

Yes, the 'bad boy'. Because normal guys are 'boring', Girls need some 'spice' in their life. And then, when the 'bad boy' cheats on her with a 'bad girl' because he got 'bored' with 'normal' and needed some 'spice' - we are all supposed to feel so bad for the girl and attack the guy for doing exactly what we all knew he was going to do in the first place.

Besides, she'll get back on her feet, and maybe we can introduce her to some nice boys down at the state penitentiary.

24 comments:

shine said...

Yeah, anyone who was surprised to find out he cheated on her was just...well, let's just say they should probably wash the shit out of their hair about now.

Also, 'normal' is not necessarily 'boring.' But 'boring' is. And men are JUST as guilty of this crap.

Page Seven said...

Nice post man, loved it.

Jordan said...

You forgot to mention the fact that he left his pornstar ex while she was pregnant. BUT STILL. They seemed so in love in that 30 second clip I saw of them at that one awards show.

I'm still sad about it regardless.

momcat said...

I was just about to say the same thing. As a woman who made a stupid choice in a man and has paid the price, I say: Sorry you made the wrong choice but learn from the experience and move on. Dont stay and try and pick up the pieces. The man admits himself that he deserves everything bad he's going to get! And don't guys pick girls who are blonde, big boobs, short skirts, not exactly good wife material...we all make our mistakes. The question is...Do we learn from them?

lbluca77 said...

I was not surprised by this either because he was once married to a porn star. Plus yeah being the third wife should tell you something Sandra. Something like, he obviously isn't good at this marriage thing.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i'm bored with normal.

i need spice.

is it sad that i fully expect any man i'm with to eventually cheat on me, if i don't do it first?

sad that i think that way, but it's true.

Shanel said...

I wasn't suprised by the news but I still feel bad for her.... but at the same time... I'm already tired of the media talking about it... like its breaking news or something... it's life... and he didn't do anything that most men or women out there isn't doing or thinking about doing...

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Yeah, I was like "really, narm? really? What the... how the.. really? Then I read on and you are so right.

Although not good men are boring, because my man is a good man and he is not boring. (sometimes, sigh!)

Moooooog35 said...

If there ever was an argument for getting into a penitentiary, this would be it.

Off to kill someone! Thanks for he tip!

zwinggi said...

@Moooooog35 --> if you're not thinking of anyone in particular, i may be able to provide a checklist.

Nomad said...

Not surprised. But I think he has more to lose than she does. lol @ the toyota comment.


http://pokernomad.blogspot.com/

Lloyd said...

I accidently ran across your blog while surfing. I will pray for you to find peace and joy in this world. God bless, Lloyd

Moooooog35 said...

What the fuck is Lloyd's problem?

Fizzgig said...

i think its mostly the thought you can change a man.

once you realize you cant, the happier you will be. Cheaters cheat because of their own crap. Its nothing on sandra. its like a punishment, so i think thats why its always skanks. lol

i really hope they had a prenup. thats all i can say about that.

slimeball.

Robert said...

I ran across your blog while blog surfing too....but forget god finding you peace and joy.....I enjoyed your sense of humour and I'll visit again. If you visit my blog: arthurstace.blogspot.com then check out the post on Darwin....might give you a laugh or two.
Thanks again.

Anonymous said...

Hey Lloyd....STOP IT!

lilmizzpriss said...

I would say I feel bad for her but seeing as I'm going through all guys suck phase I'll just say .Well what the fuck did you expect.

The Boyfriend Shopper said...

He was never good enough for her.

I'm loving your blog. Check out mine. I think you'd especially love it:

http://theboyfriendshopper.blogspot.com/

TK Kerouac said...

In some ways, I have to agree, she may have thought i can change this badboy...

what was she thinking?

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Andhari said...

Who doesn't want interesting guys? But interesting and straight up jerks are different. She should have known, but I still feel bad for her.

Allison M. said...

this reminds me of the family guy episode that I caught this weekend AGAIN.

this is brilliant.

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