Wednesday, March 10, 2010

UFOh My God

You know how sometimes you get stuck in those situations where you REALLY hope your friends don't catch you? Like you are dancing around the house in your underwear to "I'm Still Standing" and then you realize your blinds were open. Or your girlfriend makes you wear something ridiculous and you end up at a bar you know your friends frequent.

I do that with aliens.

For some reason, I am really concerned that aliens are going to come land on our planet and we are going to be doing something REALLY stupid.

What if aliens broke into a high school dance? They'd see all that awkward dancing, acne and Chris Brown songs being played. Of course they would invade our planet after that. We just have to hope to GOD that someone pulls them in the boy's room and gets them stoned, otherwise it would be Independence Day in the school cafeteria.

Or what if the aliens land in the middle of a giant sporting event. How the hell am I going to explain THAT to them?

"You see guys, they use these clubs and try to put these little balls in a hole at the end."

"And people watch that? What is the point? How does that help make food or advance technology?"

"Well - the good ones get to bang a bunch of hot chicks."

Even aliens have to understand chasing the tail.


Page Seven said...

Here's the thing: girlfriends and wives make us wear ugly things because it keeps other women away.

Think about it. All throughout the dating process, you've admired your girls style, if she didn't dress hot then you probably wouldn't have ever started dating. So it's not that she has bad taste - it's that she knows when you end up wearing a v-neck sweater with a bear on it, every single other woman will be instantly repelled.

Women are cunning creatures my friend.

Anonymous said...

Meh, sit the aliens down with a group of women. It will all explain itself.

Except the sports, probably. Depending on the women.

Chill said...

Were you stoned when you were writing this? Hilarious!

Allison M. said...

so true.

aliens have to understand hot chicks.

LiLu said...

Only with the aliens, the "tail" is literal.

Badum CHING!

daniel said...

Gna just share my views from top to bottom as I see them.
I feel this is a good simply because it’s consistent with how the user is used to seeing the comment form and filling out information in general. Filling out the name and email wont take me much time, and if you really wanted to go ahead and type the comment first, you can do so, not really that big of a work around. I’m .

study abroad

zwinggi said...

i think daniel (see post above this) just spammed you.

if i were an alien, observing a harmless and whimsical forum for topical yet silly ideas, and saw that human nature had to dictate that some annoying fuck felt the need to interject a spam solicitation in the guise of a comment, i'd invade and enslave the human race too. maybe not even enslave. just eradicate.

Matt said...

so what you're saying is... the aliens would adopt Tiger as their leader?

Ed said...

They'll probably land in Kentucky and we'll all be fucked.

That intelligent life question will go right out the window.

Moooooog35 said...

You wouldn't have to explain Tiger Woods to them at all.

I'm pretty sure that got universal exposure.

Channel Ada said...

I agree with Moog35. I bet one of the aliens are just an other one of Tiger's ugly hoes!

Fizzgig said...

i agree with page seven. but to that end, its like chris rock says, ' dont no one want your stank ass until you get a gf, they clean you up, wipe the crap out your eyes, give you a lifesaver, and all of a sudden everyone wants you'

unfortanatly there is a percentage of girls that only want men someone else has. Theres a special place in hell for them.

Anonymous said...

Suppose aliens watch us when we have sex, and get turned on, and use us as their porn. Like when they log onto their alien-internet they have alien-sites that give alien-subscriptions to spy cams that record human sex. Now remember that next time you hump... and give 'em a great show!

Andhari said...

Argh last comment on porn makes me wonder whether the aliens will be inspired to make alien porn too.

That is so disturbing! :D

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