It is almost summer - which means flip-flop weather - which means I have to stare at people's feet for 6 straight months.
Might as well give me a prison sentence.
Seriously. Feet are disgusting. Everyone's feet look a little different, except for the fact that they are all the worst things ever.
So I was watching some monkeys on the Discovery Channel last night and realized something - humans got SCREWED.
Monkeys have hands for feet.
HANDS FOR FEET!
Can you imagine how amazing that would be? I could play Jenga while peeling a banana!
I think evolution kind of fucked us on this one. Can I get a redo? I want to be able to do the best cartwheels on the block.
Instead of having FOUR hands, I have two hands and two things that look like Sarah Jessica Parker on the bottom of my legs.
What do feet do? They walk. Whipee. I could learn to walk on feet-hands. No problem. Feet-hands are probably even better to walk on. And don't even get me started on how awesome my doggy-paddle would be in the pool.
Humans will continue on with their technology and their advanced societies, while monkeys will continue to swing from trees and clap with their feet.
Who's got four thumbs and is winning the game of evolution?