Monday, March 22, 2010

No Small Feat

It is almost summer - which means flip-flop weather - which means I have to stare at people's feet for 6 straight months.

Might as well give me a prison sentence.

Seriously. Feet are disgusting. Everyone's feet look a little different, except for the fact that they are all the worst things ever.

So I was watching some monkeys on the Discovery Channel last night and realized something - humans got SCREWED.

Monkeys have hands for feet.

HANDS FOR FEET!

Can you imagine how amazing that would be? I could play Jenga while peeling a banana!

I think evolution kind of fucked us on this one. Can I get a redo? I want to be able to do the best cartwheels on the block.

Instead of having FOUR hands, I have two hands and two things that look like Sarah Jessica Parker on the bottom of my legs.

What do feet do? They walk. Whipee. I could learn to walk on feet-hands. No problem. Feet-hands are probably even better to walk on. And don't even get me started on how awesome my doggy-paddle would be in the pool.

Humans will continue on with their technology and their advanced societies, while monkeys will continue to swing from trees and clap with their feet.

Who's got four thumbs and is winning the game of evolution?

This guy.

21 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

This explains why Matthew Broderick keeps trying to fuck my toes.

nevalia said...

nice blog

Lana said...

if i had feet-hands i'd still wear flip-flops, although they might have to be redesigned i guess.

WannabeVirginia W. said...

You can't clap with your feet? That is a shame.

And if you wear flip flops please shave the hair growing on top of your toes. Please.

Sarah said...

feet are so disgusting - hands would have been way better. someone really screwed that one up.

Long Tall Ally said...

No matter how many pedicures people have there is just no getting past the fact that feet are minging. Down with flipflops! Up with handfeet! Which reminds me, must shave my hobbit toes.

Long Tall Ally

http://www.longtallally.com

lacochran said...

We are not the poo flingers, either, are we?

They win.

Game. Set. Match.

Fizzgig said...

maybe id take better care of my feet if they were like hands. Im forever getting blisters and injuries from workign out.

if they looked nicer maybe id care

miss. chief said...

Nice blog.

Just kidding. Who says that?

Oh, right...

shine said...

I hate to ruin this for you, but I have incredibly cute feet. Four out of five people who hate feet agree, and I didn't actually ask the fifth one.

Andhari said...

Yeah even when they're super clean and trimmed, feet are not nice things to see :p

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

next time i see you i'm going to hug you with me feet.

wait.

that sounded weird.

fencer_22 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
fencer_22 said...

sry ment to say i would rather have a tail then hand feet but messed it up and had no way to edit so removed

Kristen said...

Ugh, I hate feet too! Especially ones with long middle toes that curl over. And anytime I hear someone say they have a "bunyon" I have to plug my ears, close my eyes and say, "lalalala" to erase my memory of that person completely. I don't even known what a bunyon is but what I imagine it is, is sick. But have you ever stood in line at a water park barefoot and glanced at all the bare feet ahead standing in the same puddles of water as you? Terrifying.

carissajaded said...

haha that is awesome. Think of how much fun things could get in the bedroom. But then I'd be all "where have those hands been?"

Then again I pretty much already have hand-feet anyway. I can do practically anything with them but eat. And I totally didn't mean that in a dirty way.

Matt said...

Amen.

This Lesbian's Life said...

It's funny, I was just thinking about how much Sarah Jessica Parker's face looks like a foot...great minds, Narm, great minds.

Alices Wonderland said...

I've seen some women with those long toes that hang over the fronts of the flip flops and touch the ground....I'm pretty sure those are indeed feet-hands....it's oh so wrong.

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