Monday, March 8, 2010

Secret, Secret, I've Got A Secret

I am the single greatest secret keeper.

You can tell me anything and I won't tell a single person. Not one.

In fact, odds are good that I will have forgotten your secret before you have even finished telling me.

Somewhere in between looking for the best exits / weapons in case of a zombie outbreak, thinking about how funny you would look without a nose and tapping my foot because I want to start talking but screaming over the top of you isn't socially acceptable - I'm not listening to a damn thing you are saying.

This is GREAT for secret keeping.

Not so great for remembering important things about people.

Like when I get to work and I ask how people's weekend went. And they are like, "Um, I was in Egypt for four weeks. Didn't you notice I wasn't around? I mean, we share an office and everything."

Whoopsie.

The worst is when people tell me something big and important.

"Hey there Rick! What's new?"

"Narm, we talked for over 2 hours yesterday, remember? I was drunk and breaking down. My wife left me. I lost my job. My doctor gave me some horrible new. My kids won't talk to me. I have this super annoying hang nail."

"Dude - you would look SO weird without a nose. Like, seriously, whoa."

17 comments:

Shanel said...

you are too funny... not sure how I found your blog but I LOVE IT!!!!

Moooooog35 said...

Oh my God...the paragraph about the whale eating cookies was SO true.

lauren said...

I prefer to imagine people bald. Trust me, it's really hilarious.

Hex said...

You can't remember what people tell you a few hours before, but you quote "Mr. Roboto" for a blog post title?

Come with me to Vegas, Rain Man. We've got cards to count.

shine said...

One of my favorite quotes (but I can't remember who said it): "If you can't keep your own secret, how do you expect anyone else to?"

Clearly the answer is "Pick someone who won't bother to listen."

You are so wise, Narm.

blamemyrobot said...

Genius!

busygirl said...

hilarious, i'm always forgetting the big stuff.

Fizzgig said...

i was jealous til i noticed you were full of it and not a secret keeper. lol. i have to tell 1 person. usually someone who doesnt give 2 shits about the situation.

dont tell my friends though. its a secret.

and its important to know what to do in a zombie invasion. so thats an acceptable reason to ignore people

LifeAsAlexis said...

Oh goodness.. how on Earth to even remember to listen to your fiance?! lol.

jon said...

That is funnny!

Ed said...

Wise Man Says....Nothing, if he's wise.

I just made that shit up.

Don't tell.

Andhari said...

LOL I usually forget the big stuff but then I remember some small random facts and details > i don't like this at all. Like if we go out for movies or something, I'll definitely remember the time of the showing or the snacks you buy in the following months. Weird much.

KI4GSZ said...

http://anamericanprisoner.blogspot.com/

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FatGirl PrettyFace said...

LOL

lacochran said...

Hm? Were you saying something?

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