Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Oh, Canada

America - we have a problem.

Not only are Canadians smart, polite and cultured -

They're cool.

I know - I know. We thought we could get away with being simple-minded, unintelligent fatsos because Guns N' Roses was born here.

So did I.

But after this past weekend's trip to Montreal - they are all cool. Every single one of them. Even Canadian Nerds could be Mayor of Cleveland in like a week due to sheer coolness.

Walking down the street is like walking through an episode of any show on the CW - just pretty people dressed in crazy clothing everywhere.

And they're smart.

They speak somewhere between 14-72 languages. I am pretty sure they just make up languages when they get bored and then speak those. I barely speak English. The next closest thing I speak is Ebonics - but I only took two semesters of it and used for all the tests.

All I'm saying is that as long as Bill Murray is alive, we will still be the coolest country in the world. But when he's gone - watch out.

Next thing you know we'll be the U.S.Eh?


Matt said...

It's horrible that I type this... but I have just never been a huge hockey fan.

and I feel like this would make me a horrible canadian. But because of my last name, I still feel like I should be a hockey player.

Maxie said...


Ed Adams said...

I'm with Maxie.

Well, not literally.

But I too think this is all LIES.

Sounds like just the thing a Canadianwannabe would write.

Plus I hear, in Canada, even the pussy is cold.

justjp said...

I can drink Moslon XXX and watch hockey while saying things like aboot and Eh, as long as I can have one of those really hot Canadian girls. It is an epidemic of hottness up there...

miss. chief said...


Mike said...

"14-72 languages"

So Narm, Gfetgit wrangu jolog, EH?

Ben said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ben said...

Montreal is not Canada.

Montreal is where cool is born.

Your sample is inaccurate.

Moooooog35 said...

What I like about Montreal is that all the chicks are hot.

Even the ugly chicks are hot.

I don't know how they do that.

Andrea said...

What does being an American who's a quarter French-Canadian make me? Oh right, still not cool.

That Kind of Girl said...

Things that are cool about Canada: most of Canada

Things that are uncool about Canada: old. people. in. leather.

Although that little factoid is almost -- almost! -- nullified that Ryan North (of Dinosaur Comics) is from friggin' Toronto, thus rendering it the cradle of 21st century hilarity.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

why don't you just move to canada?

cleveland doesn't want you anymore.


Dan V. said...

I am Canadian. And I am cool.
Ironically those of us from Western Canada do not think that Montrealers are cool. We think they're stuck up snobs.
But fear not! Not all Americans are dumb snobs. I have met many an intelligent American on both sides of the border.
Then there was the time in 2000 when I met a bunch of drunk college kids from Fargo who said that George W. Bush would be te greatest President of all time.
You take the good with the bad.

lacochran said...

Who the hell are you and what have you done with Narm?

Quelles sont vos demandes de rançon? Nous voulons que nos redneck dos.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

U.S.Eh is pure genius. LOL.

Andhari said...

It's not cool ho you make me jealous and wanna go there. I told you, I told you you gonna like it there.

Emma said...

I went to Canada for the very first time this last weekend. They let me over without a passport. Therefore Canadians are cool, because they didn't ruin my vacation!