Monday, October 19, 2009

Running Down a Dream

Running a marathon isn't that impressive to me.

Why?

Because my body can't even fathom what running 26.2 miles would be like. It is an unrealistic number. It is like when the gov't talks about money in billions. I have no idea what a billion is - I assume there are a gazillion zeros because gazillions are actually more realistic to me.

Telling me you ran 26.2 miles is like telling me you rode a dinosaur to work. I'm just going to ask if there was a lot of traffic because you are obviously making things up.

My body can run MAYBE one mile before exploding. If you put the finish line 1.1 mile away, I would be so close, you would see me coming and I'd have my arms raised in a triumphant V and then BAM. Gone. A puff of smoke and a pair of shoes would be all that was left.

Plus, no one ever wins marathons. I'm a winner, damnit. I'm not going to run in something and know I am going to finish in the back. I might as well sign up to be on that team that plays against the Harlem Globetrotters - or hell, even tryout for the Knicks. People say it is just one of their goals to finish a marathon. Your goal is to lose? I won't even play my 5 yr old nephew in Checkers because I don't want to lose.

So this past weekend the Lady Friend ran a half marathon. What did I do? I ordered and finished two full entrees at brunch.

We both accomplished our goals.

But mine had bacon.

I'd say I'm the winner.

12 comments:

Chris said...

Damn man. The regular season hasn't even started and you're bringing the hate.

And hey, D'Antoni says that Gallinari is the best shooter he's ever seen! Better than Bird or Miller! I'm sure he really meant it and wasn't drunk or high on PCP when he said that. I'm sure of it.

Idea #527 said...

Actually, my friend got into doing Triathalons this year (she's done 6and doing the Half Iron Man in Austin this weekend!!)and much like marathons it's not how good you do, you win just by finishing! Not everyone finishes. Then if you do more than one, you just try and beat your previous times.

Marie said...

What is this running thing you speak of?

Christina_the_wench said...

Come to Detroit. Apparently three guys' goals was to die while running a marathon this past weekend. We don't play in the D.

Kellie said...

Anything with bacon is definitely the winner. Hands down.

moooooog35 said...

My body can run about a mile, too...as long as I drive the first nine tenths in my Civic.

Mike said...

Running is for hyperactive people that want to be by themselves. I personally have no problem being by myself while sitting down.

Ed Adams said...

Marathons suck. I wouldn't run one even if it was on a treadmill set on crawl speed and driven around in the back of a pickup truck.

However, it would be cool if, instead of handing out water along the way, it was bacon.

hellotaylor said...

Haha. Congrats to the lady friend.

But I'd definitely prefer the bacon.

LiLu said...

Until you get the swine flu.

OINK.

justjp said...

The insane thing is they serve beer after these things. As if to say, "dude, I will give you a beer if you don't die during the run."

Beer=greatness

therefore to be great, you need beer. They sell beer at the store. Eff running, I am going to the store.

jordan said...

Why would anyone ever run on purpose? That's silly. I would only run if chased by a mystical beast.