Sunday, September 28, 2008

More Fun Than A Barrel of Monkeys

Girls - I need to let you in on a little secret.

You've been left out.

There is something happening around you all the time - every second of every day - and you have no idea it is happening. You see the signs; a sideways glance, a snicker, a sheet of paper with names and numbers on it.

It's The Game.

The Game is the simple fact that guys turn every single activity into a contest. Today alone the roommate and I putted golf balls into a cowboy boot, bet on how many steps it took to get to the bar and tried to guess the exact cost of our entire cart of groceries.

Don't feel left out - guys don't get to be a part of your super-sonic high-pitched scream voice when you get excited - so lets call it even.

My problem is that my roommate is the king of Useless Skills. There is no one in America better at throwing an empty pop bottle over the couch and into the trash can even though we can't see it. And you should see that kid in front of one of those stuffed animal claw machines. He is a master. He is to claw machines what I am to chiseled abs.

And that brings us to Curious George.

One morning, after a night full of Crown Royal and Bad Decisions, Curious George showed up at our apartment and more important - became a player in the game.

The rules were simple - hide Curious G somewhere that the other person will stumble across him in their everyday routine.

The washing machine.

The freezer.

One morning I even found him wired to the inside of my toilet by some Bill Nye looking wire hanger contraption.

So, after finding Curious George hiding in a shirt pocket last week, I slipped him into a new hiding spot -



Quite proud of myself I forgot about ol Curious George and went on with my life.

Yesterday I came home to this -



Yes, that is Curious George with a plastic bag over his head and a suicide note taped to his chest. Apparently he had enough and hanged himself from my ceiling fan. The suicide note read as follows -

"The times we had were great and grand, but your endless relationship with that seductive blog of yours was just too much for me. I couldn't handle you loving that blog more than me. We had some good stories and the jokes we shared drove people banannas. (I'm a monkey and still don't know how to spell that damn word.) Things will be better this way.

Love Always,
C George."

I think I just lost The Game.

32 comments:

The Doggy Did It said...

Poor George....that game looks fun though.

My husband and I do the guess the total of the cart of groceries game too. I think he cheats and uses a calculator when I am not looking though.

Angela said...

Haha, I love that you and your roommate played that game. That's fantastic. My friend's dad and cousin used to play that game with a poster of Christopher Reeves. They'd take turned putting the picture in an unsuspecting spot.

Things only got funnier when my friend's cousin found the picture one day with a plastic straw taped to it near Christopher Reeve's mouth.....

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

Hahahahaha! Great game... girls will never truly be able to understand and appreciate our games!

RIP C.George

LBluca77 said...

HA That makes me miss having a roommate. It's no fun to play by yourself.

Douchegirl said...

Awww! You guys remind me of Joey and Chandler. I wish I had a cool roommate like that.

ANG* said...

wow. this might just be your best post ever. also, maybe mr funny guy roommate should get a blog of his own. the blogosphere could really benefit from his useless skills.

also, i do that annoying girly scream thing. damnit. we cant help it. or something...

c.watson said...

So you've driven an inanimate object to suicide? That my friend is impressive, I salute you.

Marie said...

It's too bad C. George didn't live long enough to start his own blog. I can only imagine the stories he would have posted, finding himself in new places everyday.

Alexa said...

this is fabulously hilarious. but you can't let curious george go down like that! you must hide him once more, you must.

Angela said...

My coworkers and I had a similar game involving a scarecrow doll I kept at my desk. One day it was holding a banana. One day it had a Jane Fonda work out book and was in a crazy position. One day it was hugging a banana. And, finally, one day it had hung itself with my computer mouse cord, with a note that said "Goodbye, cruel world!"

Evil Genius said...

Hey, I'm a girl and I love love LOVE doing goofy games like that!! But oh, poor, poor George. May he rest in peace.

I'm sure you'll find something to take his place. :-)

Kelly and José said...

I love curious George. This post was awesome. I think it helps to read something ridiculous and fun like this on Monday. It helps set the tone that maybe the day won't suck as bad as you think it will.

José

Also I could not agree with you more that man will make anything into a game
Or contest not matter how stupid or pointless it is.

stealthnerd said...

Your game kind of makes me want to be a guy. R.I.P George...you were (I'm guessing) a worthy player.

Mon said...

dont think we dont have our own games....we just dont share them with anyone else...muh ah ah ah....

that was a good laugh though!

Nilsa S. said...

It's all fun and games until someone loses a beloved monkey. What's up with that?

moooooog35 said...

"Hide the Monkey" has a totally different meaning in my house.

I'm glad you clarified about you and your roommate playing it.

surviving myself said...

George was always a bit of a wuss, so it's not that surprising that he couldn't take you loving someone else.

You should have seen what he did to the man with the yellow hat when he had a date.

Scary stuff man.

Kristen said...

He was a good little monkey, and always very curious.

Phil said...

I have to disagree. I don't think you lost the game at all; with that end of days move, it sounds to me like your roomie forfeit the game.

The game my ex-roommate and I used to play was called "Make Phil's life a living hell, and then make him break up the lesbian fight to the death between me and my girlfriend." I moved out, so I totally won that one.

catscratch said...

RIP George.

That's fucking sad, Dude.

Hex said...

Whoa, buddy -- you're gonna let a little auto-erotic-monkeysphyxiation beat you?

This game is NOT over.

Two words: Zombie. Makeup.

Now get back in there and win one for the man in the yellow hat!!

lacochran said...

That was one messed up, codependent monkey.

If only you'd done an intervention in time. Flung some feces at him, made him feel the monkey lovin' he so desperately needed in his little monkey heart.

Sad.

Monkey killer! J'acuse!

Heff said...

Yes, it sounds to me as if you actually WON the game. You should think of a strategic place to bury George as well.

just a girl... said...

this confirms my theory that all men are dorks

Tiffany said...

LMAO Are you sure your roomate isn't my 5 year old? Cuz he loves to put his damn curious george wherever is convenient for me to trip over it. Don't get me started on building blocks.

And my boss who is the only man at work, makes up dumb ass games like that and gets us girls to join in. I got to go home early the other day for guessing how many pieces of candy was hidden in his hand. Boys!

(vixenchick) said...

um...yeah. i think you lost this one!

HappyHourSue said...

Oh my GOD do I love to find great new blogs. Clicked over from Stuck in the Sticks.

Hex took my auto-erotic asphyxiation comment, perverted bastard.

I'll be back.

Smash said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Smash said...

I know the roomie is the KING of claw machines... I have about 20 of the little stuffed animals to show for it. Including a purple pig with pink hearts and kissy lips on it... seriously, did he think that was cute? Although, the giraffe and the elephant are cute...

Maki said...

Awww my little George. LOL.

What a clever and fun game you guys played. This post put a huge smile on my face. Thank you!

B Money said...

Dude, cheerio. Well played. I love games and betting! There's always room for more.

This week alone:

Bet a different purchaser/pizza combination on every possible outcome of my college football teams record.

Developed a game playing catch with tennis balls adding balls until they drop for points - in a meting.

Turned hot potato with a football and 4 friends into a drinking game at a tailgater.

Well said!

Poetry Sue said...

The moneky maybe dead, but the game must go on....