Girls - I need to let you in on a little secret.
You've been left out.
There is something happening around you all the time - every second of every day - and you have no idea it is happening. You see the signs; a sideways glance, a snicker, a sheet of paper with names and numbers on it.
It's The Game.
The Game is the simple fact that guys turn every single activity into a contest. Today alone the roommate and I putted golf balls into a cowboy boot, bet on how many steps it took to get to the bar and tried to guess the exact cost of our entire cart of groceries.
Don't feel left out - guys don't get to be a part of your super-sonic high-pitched scream voice when you get excited - so lets call it even.
My problem is that my roommate is the king of Useless Skills. There is no one in America better at throwing an empty pop bottle over the couch and into the trash can even though we can't see it. And you should see that kid in front of one of those stuffed animal claw machines. He is a master. He is to claw machines what I am to chiseled abs.
And that brings us to Curious George.
One morning, after a night full of Crown Royal and Bad Decisions, Curious George showed up at our apartment and more important - became a player in the game.
The rules were simple - hide Curious G somewhere that the other person will stumble across him in their everyday routine.
The washing machine.
One morning I even found him wired to the inside of my toilet by some Bill Nye looking wire hanger contraption.
So, after finding Curious George hiding in a shirt pocket last week, I slipped him into a new hiding spot -
Quite proud of myself I forgot about ol Curious George and went on with my life.
Yesterday I came home to this -
Yes, that is Curious George with a plastic bag over his head and a suicide note taped to his chest. Apparently he had enough and hanged himself from my ceiling fan. The suicide note read as follows -
"The times we had were great and grand, but your endless relationship with that seductive blog of yours was just too much for me. I couldn't handle you loving that blog more than me. We had some good stories and the jokes we shared drove people banannas. (I'm a monkey and still don't know how to spell that damn word.) Things will be better this way.
I think I just lost The Game.