There are so many things girls are fundamentally opposed to - fart jokes, following the plot of a movie, sanity - but there is one thing that is worse than all of these combined:
Girls hate sweat pants.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ladies! I hear you - you are saying "But Beautiful Narm, I wear sweat pants all the time! I have this great matching sweats and jacket thats all pink and it goes PERFECT with my gray Pumas and that little purse I found at Target but I tell everyone was really expensive..."
I get it.
It isn't that you hate sweats - its that you hate when I get to wear sweats. Why aren't sweats equal opportunity garments? Maybe I found that old pair of sweatpants from the 80's and even though they have a couple of weird stains on them I want to wear them over to your friends house since we are just going to have appetizers and play board games anyways. Maybe sweatpants would help me get in the "Charades" frame of mind. Maybe now we can finally stomp that annoying couple that we don't even really like but she was in your sorority and you feel bad because she calls you all the time so sometimes you can't think up a good excuse and drag me along to suffer through stories about her work.
(The above paragraph is completely fabricated - I would never date a sorority girl.)
But guys - have you ever had a girl say to you, "Oh yeah - just wear your sweatpants! I want you to be comfortable, happy and have the ability to overeat without terrible consequences."
I try to put myself in as many sweatpants-friendly situations as humanly possible, but, like rhinos and popped collars, the only places this works are full of large, horny animals and smell a lot like cologne and body odor.
The only places I have left are -
- Trailer parks
- Places chicken wings are compared to anything related to magma
- Anywhere with Busch Light in the refrigerator
- People doing Rocky impressions
You promised your old sorority sister who lives in the trailer park we'd pick up a case of Busch Light and some Hooter's wings and play Charades?
Here's a hint -
Is it Rocky?
You're damn right it's Rocky.