Monday, September 29, 2008

Don't Sweat It...Or Else

There are so many things girls are fundamentally opposed to - fart jokes, following the plot of a movie, sanity - but there is one thing that is worse than all of these combined:

Girls hate sweat pants.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ladies! I hear you - you are saying "But Beautiful Narm, I wear sweat pants all the time! I have this great matching sweats and jacket thats all pink and it goes PERFECT with my gray Pumas and that little purse I found at Target but I tell everyone was really expensive..."

I get it.

It isn't that you hate sweats - its that you hate when I get to wear sweats. Why aren't sweats equal opportunity garments? Maybe I found that old pair of sweatpants from the 80's and even though they have a couple of weird stains on them I want to wear them over to your friends house since we are just going to have appetizers and play board games anyways. Maybe sweatpants would help me get in the "Charades" frame of mind. Maybe now we can finally stomp that annoying couple that we don't even really like but she was in your sorority and you feel bad because she calls you all the time so sometimes you can't think up a good excuse and drag me along to suffer through stories about her work.

(The above paragraph is completely fabricated - I would never date a sorority girl.)

But guys - have you ever had a girl say to you, "Oh yeah - just wear your sweatpants! I want you to be comfortable, happy and have the ability to overeat without terrible consequences."

I try to put myself in as many sweatpants-friendly situations as humanly possible, but, like rhinos and popped collars, the only places this works are full of large, horny animals and smell a lot like cologne and body odor.

The only places I have left are -

- Trailer parks
- Places chicken wings are compared to anything related to magma
- Anywhere with Busch Light in the refrigerator
- People doing Rocky impressions

Whats that?

You promised your old sorority sister who lives in the trailer park we'd pick up a case of Busch Light and some Hooter's wings and play Charades?

Here's a hint -

One word...

Movie...

Rocky?

Is it Rocky?

You're damn right it's Rocky.

39 comments:

Ben said...

Living in a university city means we're run rampant with bleach blonde 20-year-olds with pony tails, headbands, and their sweatpants (with words on the ass like Princess) tucked into their fake Ugg boots.

If I have to put up with that, we should be allowed to make them put up with OUR sweatpants.

REVOLUTION!

Ashley said...

Men seem to wear sweat pants from the 80s, the kind with the elastic waist band and the tapered legs with elastic around the ankles...yuck!

And, they are always either grey or this dingy dark blue, both of which show butt sweat. And no one needs to see that.

Marie said...

Can't stand sweatpants and most definitely hate pink. But I do like fart jokes and give dirty looks to anyone who talks during a movie. Just want to follow the plot damnit!

'Nuf said.

Hot Coffee Girl said...

Maybe you could just find yourself a nice velvet set and just completely give up.

lacochran said...

Do yours say "Juicy" across the ass? If not, that may be your problem.

Deutlich said...

I am a Hokie and TOTALLY proud of my sweats and anyone else who wears sweats.

Comfy always rules

Phil said...

I've never much cared for sweats. Too many bad memories, I suppose, which comes with the territory when you have four brothers.

However, if said sweats were like those shorts that say JUICY across the butt, then I support them completely.

matt said...

This is foreshadowing - the blogger meetup is totally going to include Rocky. I knew it.

PomJob said...

Hey, hey! There's nothing wrong with a sorority girl.

I'd prefer my man to wear track pants rather than sweat pants. They're a little classier.

adriana said...

Sweatpants? Not horrible. (Though, I cannot get behind those stupid looking track suits women wear)

Sweatpants that are 20 years old, have weird stains and are falling apart? GROSS.

Just my opinion. ;-)

stealthnerd said...

The one thing that Penn State taught me (other than the ability to stretch my liver to its furthest capabilities) is that guys can look totally hot in sweats! I always condone male sweat pant wearing. And I judge the girls who don't.

Aaron Bannizzle said...

I guess sweatpants are welcomed at my house because Busch Light is ALWAYS in the fridge. It's such a high quality/low price kind of beer. I have converted quite a few lost souls over to the goodness of Busch Light. Try it. Your wallet and taste buds will thank you!

Arjewtino said...

Wearing sweat pants would have been a deal breaker with my girlfriend.

Thank god for tighty whities.

Alexa said...

you bring up a very valid point! guys don't really wear sweatpants.

yet girls can rock out yoga pants and be completely comfy guys get weird looks.

although wouldn't you consider old school adidas pants sweatpants? i think guys are allowed to wear those right?

longredcape said...

What's wrong with Busch Light?

I guess "my house" is another place you can add to that list.

surviving myself said...

I'm with you on sweatpants, they make everything better, and women are the devil for not letting us rock them at all times.

c.watson said...

It's because we want people to be jealous of our hot boyfriend. Guys you can't pull off cool/hot/jealous worthiness in sweat pants, I'm sorry it's just the way it is. Although to be honest I hate those stupid girl sweat outfit thingies, they are only ok at the gym.

And for randomness why do I always try to pronounce the word verification thing?

Today its wasttfi, which I pronounced wha-st-t-fee.

I'm retarded.

Lauren said...

I hate the sweatpants with stuff written on the butt area. Do I want guys looking at my butt to read "*insert college name here*"? Not really.

I was never a sorority girl. It's probably telling. :)

LBluca77 said...

Sweats are gross, except of course they do come in handy when you eat 8 slices of pizza for dinner.

moooooog35 said...

Sweatpants make my bum all swampy.

Oh - NOW I get the name!

just a girl... said...

I love a guy in sweatpants, well as long as they don't wear any underwear. fair is fair. Damn right its billie jean

canadian preTzel said...

With all the comments already posted, I can't believe no one has mentioned the obvious. Sweatpants make nuts look disgusting!

Diana said...

I don't like sweatpants on guys either...the few that I've had the pleasure of being around are usually filled with holes and stains all over the place. AND they are usually red. I hate red. :D

Heff said...

Busch light in the fridge...AS WE SPEAK.

Megkathleen said...

Yeah...not a fan of sweatpants. But does it make it better if I hate them on girls too? Plus I would much rather see a guy wearing nasty sweatpants than a girl wearing stupid matching sweatpants and top with juicy on the butt. I hate those girls.

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

If the ladies won't let us wear sweatpants whenever we please, we'll take it a step further and bring out the zubaz!

Your choice ladies...

Tiffany said...

I "secretly" threw out all of hubby's sweat pants when we got married. He looked like a cricket with his skinny little legs in them. And quit your bitching. I'm still letting him wear his damn camo slippers out in public. But their day is coming too.

Mon said...

i dont think its ever acceptable to wear sweatpants outside of the home. I'm not jealous that girls do it..if you ask me, the next step is not working out. And gaining 100 lbs. and only being able to wear them. Sure, I have some cute "pink" sweatpants, but thats for home use only.

Angela said...

I guess I'm a weird girl then, because if I want to be comfortable in sweats some times, then so should a guy be able to.

Fart jokes? I do them too.

As long as the movie is good, I'll follow it.

And I'm pretty sure I'm sane.

Jenn said...

I enjoy comfy pants, but not sweat pants with the elastic around the ankle. It just bothers me.

Kristen said...

My husband does not own sweatpants.

rs27 said...

I haven't worn sweatpants in 5 years..

LA does that to you. It's 85 today. Suckas!

lacochran said...

Oh, and you can totally wear sweats when we go out drinking. I promise.

Evil Genius said...

Hey, I happen to love fart jokes! And I'm damn good at following movie plots. My sanity is, however, in question, most of the time.

I'd much prefer a guy in track pants. Or football stretch pants....grrrrrrr......

Maxie said...

Man this is the SECOND entry i've read this week hating on sorority girls.

we're going to band together and revolt if you guys don't lay off.

Allison M. said...

Yes, I am one of those girls that had the Juicy sweatpants that said Juicy right smack on the ass. You better believe 4 years later I still have them and they are falling apart.

I have 2 matching track suits - deal with it. And, no sorority girl here!

MsPuddin said...

i dont mind sweatpants, but there is a time and a place.same goes for farting...

againstthegrain said...

Oh man. Honestly. I wouldn't mind if you wore sweatpants. As long as they're accompanied by a wife beater. Best outfit everrr. And sweatpants are easy to get off. Enough said : P

Julie_Gong said...

i like sweatpants and fart jokes. what does that mean?