I've had it.
I love my job - but I just don't think this 9-5 thing is for me. I've thought it out and decided I am going to take my new life in a new direction.
Seriously, why have I been bustin' my back working all these years when all I needed to do was throw up a camera and get busy?
Laugh if you want - but Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian have their shit together. What do you do with your life when you have no discernible talents or ambition?
I figure I make this tape and within three days it's on the interwebs. For $19.99 you can download the most passionate, explosive, mind blowing 30 second sex tape you have ever seen.
After releasing the sex tape everything will fall into place. If my math is right, I should have a DUI, failed pop album and an assault charge for attacking a paparazzi by February. A short stint in rehab and then BAM - by next March I will be rich and famous and do what celebrities do - like wear fancy sunglasses.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to just throw up a camera and lie there like a dead fish like those two.
Um...not that I've seen their tapes...
Nope, to do this right - I'm going to have to make this a PRODUCTION.
I'm talking multiple camera angles, fireworks, midgets, monkeys, mustaches, an F-15 fly-by, Def Leppard playing in the background, a nine iron, American flag, bald eagle and at the climax I'm going to dismount and throw my arms up in a Kerri Strug Olympic pose while having roses thrown at me.
The way I see it - anyone worth doing, is worth overdoing.