Just like everyone else, I headed back home into a sea of high school friends and hometown charm for Turkey Day. I swear to god I'm going to have a shirt made that says, "Cleveland, Advertising, When Marissa Miller starts returning my phone calls." That way, every time someone asks, "Where ya at these days? What do ya do? Ya getting hitched?" I can just point at my shirt and won't have to stop drinking my beer.
Anyways my old high school won it's 5th state football title in 11 years - meaning the rednecks came out by the hillbillions to mix all that turkey with cheap beer.
The great thing about a small town? When there is reason to celebrate marshal law is enacted. We take over the streets and for no apparent reason, toilet paper every building downtown. The cops give up and people set up coolers and hand out beer to everyone who passes.
But where most people would be happy being able to throw a roll of toilet paper 20 yards down the street - the redneck looks at that piece of bathroom tissue and says, "NO! I can rig up something that could fire that fucker the speed of sound!"
So as I walked down Main street, two beers in hand, I was struck by the most beautifully redneck invention there is - the Toilet Paper Launcher (patent pending).
Ingredients - a leaf blower with a board screwed to the side of it that is holding a roll of toilet paper on a peg at the end. That way - when you turn the leaf blower on - it blows the toilet paper 60 yards down the street and over most small buildings.
In case you were wondering - YES this is a completely necessary invention. You go cure cancer - we're going to have a fucking PARTY!