Monday, December 1, 2008

For A Good Time Call...

I am a fairly sensitive guy. I can sympathize when a girl needs to touch up her makeup or is cold or doesn't understand that I am 25 years old so you can quit waiting for me to stop thinking farts are funny. I have no problem sitting through a chick flick or getting dressed up to go out to eat some night - I get that.

But if you stop me making good time I will murder you till you are dead.

There is no single action on earf more important than making good time. Toledo to Cleveland takes an hour and a half? Fuck you, I'll do it in an hour. Then I'll talk about it - because it's awesome.

I am fairly certain God created sports so that guys would have something to talk about other than that one time they made good time. In fact, that is why college football still has the BCS and won't go to a playoff - it gives the fellas something to talk about that doesn't result in murder.

I would go so far as to say the only reason NOT to sacrifice everything in your power to make good time is to defend the thermostat.

Remember, fellas - that thermostat is yours and you must defend it with your life. Girls have their "dignity" and "morals" and we have the thermostat and wet dreams.

We win.

Know what makes good time? White knuckles and AC/DC cassette tapes.

No what makes bad time? Rest stops and "I Kissed a Girl".

Although if you let me watch the kissing part I think I could still have a good time.

22 comments:

Ben said...

I long for the day that Katy Perry finds your blog.

Matt said...

Thermostats are ours.

so is the garage. That should be noted as well.

LBluca77 said...

I have no dignity or morals, so what am I left with? Oh ya my boobs.

I am doing a Christmas contest on my blog if you want to enter.

Ashley said...

I'm all about making good time. No stopping on trips of 4 hours or less - period.

Julie_Gong said...

I enjoy both farts and making good time. I do not care about the BSC though so am I only half of a dude?

Deutlich said...

I am the saaaaaaaame way with driving. 4 hour drive? Pish! I can do it in 3.25.

Fizzgig said...

i like to make good time too. Its my personal goal to get from boon town to cleveland, a 55 mile trip in 30 minutes. Closest I've come is 38. Which is good, considering the cops in brecksville are on a mission to stop everything that moves. And, that it takes me 30 min to get the 26 miles to work.

moooooog35 said...

I make good time masturbating.

Too good.

This is not a good thing.

Hex said...

Just in case you're curious, these "we're making crappy time" arguments between the sexes are even more fun when you're married.

-Hex (divorced)

Marie said...

But farts are funny. That's all I wanted to say.

Arjewtino said...

This is why I hated my 9-hour drive from NYC to DC on Sunday. We made such horrible time it hurt me to the core.

Nilsa said...

You would get along fabulously with my husband. Who is the nicest man on earth until he's behind the wheel of a car. And then all hell breaks loose. Seriously, it's the only recurring argument we've had. And we don't argue all that often. What's wrong with you guys?!?

Mike said...

Doood.

I'm 30.

Me and my old man still try to gas out the family at gatherings.

Why?

Farting is funny no matter what age you are, as long as you have a penis.

Good time.

Angela said...

The thermostat SHOULD be yours since my roommate had it set to 78 the other night. I almost died.

rs27 said...

Katy Perry has awesome boobs.

It's true.

Giggle Pixie said...

Do you have have thermostats AND remotes? 'Cause fuck all, guys, you gotta give us SOMETHING!!!

But I do also think farts are funny. :-)

Katy Perry said...

Hi, my name is Katy Perry and I think we should hang out.

xoxo.

Kristen said...

My husband is always making good time when we go places and then he calls his dad to gloat.

WTF?

Allison M. said...

I pride myself of never making good time.

wanna date?

stealthnerd said...

In all fairness, which is the story you'd rather tell?

Remember that road trip where I made really good time?

OR

Remember that road trip where my girlfriend's bladder exploded and I had to re-upholster my car?

Something to think about....

saratogajean said...

Rest stops are optional only if you have a penis.

Or really really good aim.

court said...

I thought "making good time" was a euphemism for something else until the "Cleveland to Toledo in an hour" mark. Then I got to wet dreams, white knuckles and girl-on-girl action and now I'm just plain confused.